Exposé: One Million Moms? Not quite.

In the past few months you’ve probably heard of a group called One Million Moms. They were the group who tried to get Ellen DeGeneres fired from a JC Penny campaign. Having failed in spreading their anti-gay message the first time around, they’re giving it another go by calling for a JC Penny boycott once again. This time it’s over a catalogue picture that shows two women kissing.

Who are they?

Unlike their name implies, they are not a grass-roots organization formed by concerned parents. One Million Moms was created by an also inaptly named hate group: The American Family Association. You don’t know the AFA? Here’s what the Southern Poverty Law Center says about them:

American Family Association

Methodist minister Donald E. Wildmon formed the National Federation for Decency in 1977, changing its name to the American Family Association (AFA) in 1988. Today, the group, which was taken over by Tim Wildmon after his father’s 2010 retirement, claims a remarkable 2 million online supporters and 180,000 subscribers to its AFA Journal. It also broadcasts over nearly 200 radio stations.

The AFA seeks to support “traditional moral values,” but in recent years it has seemed to specialize in “combating the homosexual agenda.” In 2009, it hired Bryan Fischer, the former executive director of the Idaho Values Alliance, as its director of analysis for government and policy. Taking a page from the anti-gay fabulist Scott Lively (see Abiding Truth Ministries, above), Fischer claimed in a blog post last May 27 that “[h]omosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler, and homosexuals in the military gave us the Brown Shirts, the Nazi war machine and 6 million dead Jews.” (Ironically, the elder Wildmon was widely denounced as an anti-Semite after suggesting that Jews control the media, which the AFA says “shows a genuine hostility towards Christians.”) Fischer has described Hitler as “an active homosexual” who sought out gays “because he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough.” He proposed criminalizing homosexual behavior in another 2010 blog post and has advocated forcing gays into “reparative” therapy. In a 2010 “action alert,” the AFA warned that if homosexuals are allowed to openly serve in the military, “your son or daughter may be forced to share military showers and barracks with active and open homosexuals.”

Gays aren’t the AFA’s only enemies. In late 2009, Fischer suggested that all Muslims should be banned from joining the U.S. military. “Islam is a totalitarian political ideology,” Fischer added in August 2010. “It is as racist as the KKK. … Allowing a mosque to be built in town is fundamentally no different that granting a building permit to a KKK cultural center built in honor of some King Kleagle.” A little later, according to the Huffington Post, Fischer said that whatever the government does to “to make it unthinkable for America’s youth to join a white supremacist group,” it should also do “to make it as unthinkable for a resident of America  to embrace Islam.” Around the same time, the Huffington Post said, he blogged that Muslim values are “grossly incompatible with American values,” and therefore no place in America should allow a mosque to be built.

And then there are the promiscuous. On his May 26, 2010, radio show, Fischer recounted the biblical story of Phineas, who used a spear to kill a man and a woman who were having sex. Citing the nation’s “rampant sexual immorality,” Fischer said, “God is obviously looking for more Phineases in our day.”

The Fischer mentioned by the SPLC is the same Fischer you’ve been hearing about in the news recently:

He’s also the one who quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech to argue in favour of discrimination against the LGBTQ community.

Follow the money & the numbers:

The AFA as a whole claims to have 500,000 members. A far cry from what their One Million Moms and One Million Dads groups hope to imply with their names. 500,000 people is the population of Fresno, California. That means that California alone, with a gay population estimated (conservative estimate) at 1.5 million people, there’s a gay population that’s three times higher than the number of people the AFA has in the entire country. Their claim to represent the majority of Americans is a manipulative pipe-dream, it’s a con job.

Their 2010 income statement:

Income Statement     (FYE 06/2010)

REVENUE
Total Contributions	$18,370,870
Program Service Revenue	$0
Total Primary Revenue	$18,370,870
Other Revenue	$1,229,871
TOTAL REVENUE	$19,600,741
EXPENSES
Program Expenses	$19,106,095
Administrative Expenses	$880,914
Fundraising Expenses	$818,811
TOTAL FUNCTIONAL EXPENSES	$20,805,820
Payments to Affiliates	$0
Excess (or Deficit) for the year	$-1,205,079
Net Assets	$36,737,464

So how do they keep this cash cow going? How do they get their members on radio shows and giving interviews on television programs? There’s only one answer: CONTROVERSY. This is an enormous organization that depends almost exclusively on the LGBTQ community. They depend on demonizing us to fund-raise, to exist, to keep themselves in the spotlight and fund cushy salaries.

These groups are not about ideology, they’re not about protecting children, they’re not about making people’s lives better. They’re about greedy, ignorant people. They’re about con-artists and fraudsters who use junk science and myths to line their pockets. All that money you see mentioned up there, it doesn’t go to help people losing their homes, it doesn’t go to helping feed the poor, it doesn’t go to help educate children. It doesn’t go to help struggling single mothers. It doesn’t help the homeless, it doesn’t fund medication for the sick. All that money goes on funding campaigns that are AGAINST one group or another and to keeping the directors of these groups in the spotlight so they can sell their books and peddle their snake oil.

Bullied student faces expulsion, fired stun gun mom gave him | Indianapolis Star | indystar.com

Another shocking example of the need for advocates to step in, before situations escalate to this degree. The school’s suggestion to the students was that he “tone down his accessories”. One day between classes he was surrounded by six students threatening to beat him up. He took out a stun gun and demonstrated it. The bullies backed off. They reported him and he was cuffed by campus guards and is now facing expulsion.

Bullied student faces expulsion, fired stun gun mom gave him | Indianapolis Star | indystar.com.

Project ProteKT. BREAKING NEWS: The Austin School District Exposed. Neutrality on Anti-Gay Bullying?

What you see on the right is an internal memo from the Austin Independent  School District to all of their principles concerning the Day of Silence. I found myself breathless yesterday as I read their instructions to staff.  They begin by explaining that the Day of Silence is a day of protest against the bullying and harassment of LGBT students in schools. They go on to say: “Students may voluntarily engage in this activity as long as participation is not disruptive to instructional activities or in violation of the Student Code of Conduct. School staff should keep in mind that students are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure and should be sensitive  to  the possibility  that a  student may  face  ridicule or peer pressure by non-participation.”

Yes, you read that correctly. The Austin school board is concerned that people who do not oppose anti-lgbt bullying are going to be bullied!!! In response to The Day of Silence, they have not sent out a memo about the grim statistics related to anti-gay bullying, statistics that range from dangerously high suicide rates to the possibility of permanent psychological damage.

In case you haven’t been following us and don’t know the statistics I’m referring to, here’s a reminder:

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

The Austin School District believes the appropriate response from their staff is NEUTRALITY.

The memo goes on to explain The Austin School District’s policy on neutrality:

“School personnel should neither encourage nor discourage a student’s participation. Because school personnel are generally quite influential in developing the thoughts of young children, it is important that school personnel avoid even the appearance of endorsing a particular position or belief on behalf of the school. Personnel should avoid publicizing their beliefs to students for this reason. If students inquire directly about a staff member’s beliefs, staff may answer the question simply and briefly but should avoid answering in a manner that could be construed as proselytizing. School personnel may participate provided they do so in their free time, outside the presence of students, and do not impose on non-participating employees.”

Since I first read this yesterday, I’ve been wondering if The Austin School District has a similar policy regarding other non-discrimination campaigns. Before Martin Luther King Day, do they send out neutrality instructions regarding anti-racist bullying? During Domestic Violence Awareness month, do they send out a circular telling staff that they must avoid answering questions in a manner that could be construed as proselytizing?

I have decided to send a letter to The Austin School District asking for clarifications, and if they do indeed insist their staff be neutral on the bullying of any other part of their student body, or if their neutrality is only reserved for anti-LGBTQ bullying.

A Poem by K. Ryan Henisey

I tend to find SuperGays annoying. They’re good looking, talented and in this guy’s case, also, “a 1st grade teacher, writer, artist & home cook”. To add insult to injury, you make an obscure Adonaïs reference and he knows what you’re talking about. All of that should really should get him blacklisted by me. Instead, since I was brutal yesterday, I’m being nice today; So here’s a link to his poem in Equal Magazine. It’s quite outstanding.

Equal Magazine Publishes Poem and Digital Art « lifeasgood.

And prepare yourselves for tomorrow… I re-watched John Neumeier’s production of Dame aux Camelias a couple of days ago, and fully intend to bore the will to live out of all you with my long-winded commentary on it.

It’s possible to be talented & an idiot: Dustin Lance Black

Recently a fellow blogger called me brutal, he is absolutely right. My brutality is the result of impatience for stupidity. LGBT activist Melanie Nathan, wrote a response yesterday to Dustin Lance Black’s absurd (not to say imbecilic) threat to withdraw support from President Obama. Mr Black, in his Hollywood Reporter article, offers us a diatribe which includes:

“So until the president publicly puts his wheels down on the side of full equality, he must be passionately engaged, confronted and protested for maintaining his prejudiced, hurtful public position. If his evolution continues to fall short, then those interested in equality in this country must abandon their support. Hope should never become delayed disappointment.”

My brutal message to Mr. Black is quite simple: Gay Marriage is by no means the panacea of equality he and other gay activists would have us believe. In fact, the passing of marriage equality in countries like South Africa have in no way diminished homophobia or prevented the genuinely brutal practice which is corrective rape. True equality can only be achieved by education, by dispelling pernicious anti-gay myths and by fighting for respect rather than tolerance. By putting so much weight on gay-marriage, we are setting aside issues which are sometimes deadly. I’m sure Mr. Black might be overwhelmed by the idea that he can’t yet be married on the Malibu beach-front, surrounded by scores of his Oscar-party going friends -but- there are over two million LGBTQ youth who are homeless, at high risk of being exposed to AIDS, drug abuse and death. Anti-LGBTQ bullying is a pandemic in schools.

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

The minorities in our minority, African-American & Hispanic gay men are at absurdly high risk of contracting AIDS and other std’s. So pardon me, Mr. Black, if I find your inability to get married in Malibu shouldn’t be our exclusive priority as activists or as a community. But, who knows, perhaps you’re right, abandoning support for the party that has consistently supported diversity might be the clever thing to do! While we’re at it, why don’t we all sign up for the military, buy guns, and join GOProud, that way we can join Republicans in promoting a message that excludes from society anyone and everyone who doesn’t conform to their 1950′s ideal of acceptable identity and family.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life by Gabriel Arana

From The American Prospect, an outstanding article by Gabriel Arana about his failed experience with ex-gay therapy.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life

GABRIEL ARANA

APRIL 11, 2012

A deep look at the fringe movement that just lost its only shred of scientific support.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life.

Freedom of Religion: Step away from my BLT & stop looking at my crotch!

The USA seems to be the only country in the civilized world where the miscomprehension (Is that a word? It is now) of Freedom of Religion still exists. It still exists primordially because religious zealots have successfully mangled logic and reason beyond any possible recognition; But all is not lost. There’s a simple way to explain it to them using something that is almost universally sacred to most of us with European origins: Bacon. Yes, I just said bacon. I’ll even let you choose, you can refer to the British meaty kind, or my favourite which is the fatty Oscar Mayer kind.

Freedom of religion, like most freedoms afforded to citizens of the civilized western world, is an individual freedom. What does that mean? It’s actually very simple. An individual freedom is one I can apply to my own life, not one I can force other people to apply to their lives. If I did, I would be interfering with their right of freedom of religion! In regards to religion, it means each one of us can:

A) Choose a (any) religion freely

B) Choose how often (or not) we participate in religious rituals

C) Follow as many religious regulations (or not) as we choose

D) Change to another religion at any given moment

And here’s where the bacon comes into the story. Orthodox Jews and Muslims have something in common other than fighting over (bad) Middle-Eastern real-estate. Both groups forbid the consumption of bacon. In free countries both groups also have the right to follow their religions. Now, in my eyes, a life without bacon would be a life not worth living, but here’s the great thing, freedom of religion means I don’t have to follow their religion and end up on a ledge contemplating death. They can’t make me follow their religions. I can spend the rest of my life looking forward to bacon with eggs, on salad, in sandwiches- and that wonderful smell!

So here’s what freedom of religion is not:

A) It’s not the right to make other people live by the tenets of your religion

B) It’s not the right to force other people to obey the rules of your scriptures

In practical terms that means:

• It’s not the right of Orthodox Jews & Muslims to forbid me from eating bacon
• It’s not the right of the aforementioned religious groups to force women who are not members of those groups to cover their hair with scarves or wigs
• It’s not the right of Christians to tell people when, how or with whom they should or shouldn’t use their genitalia
• It’s not the right of Christians to tell their fellow citizens how they should or shouldn’t live their individual freedoms

So what’s this rant all about? It’s about freedom. You have the right to choose and follow your religion, and I equally have the right to be a Hitchensian/Dawkinsian Atheist. You have the right to spend your Sundays in church, and I have the right to spend my Saturday nights wearing an I Believe in Evolution t-shirt whilst dancing to I Will Survive in liberal San Francisco, surrounded by my fellow gays (if I so choose). Stop interfering with other people’s individual freedom of religion by trying to impose your beliefs on their lives!!!!

Project Protekt: For Shame! Bullying & Keeping It a Secret

Bullying and shame
“If you ever come home beaten-up, and the other boy didn’t get it worse than you, I’ll beat you up all over again”

No, my father didn’t actually hit me, ever, but he did say that. I was around nine years old and still remember it as if he had said it to me this morning. He also enrolled me in Jiu-Jitsu classes, somewhat against my will. I was by no means the macho-super-jock he had hoped for and his expectations in my pre-adolescence marked the death of our relationship. He was but a reflection of his culture. Men were supposed to be strong and tough. We’re supposed to chase girls. We’re supposed to take care of ourselves and fight our own battles. Yesterday, as I was detailing anti-gay bullying to a school principle in Florida, she asked me: Why didn’t he come to me sooner? Why did he let it go on for over a year? The answers were so obvious in my mind, I didn’t understand how they wouldn’t also be clear in the minds of others. In an effort to clarify the goals of Project ProteKT, I’m examining these issues in more detail and looking for a way to articulate them clearly. Bullying results in fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt which increase progressively whilst the bullying goes on. The victim isn’t just being confronted by the bully, he’s also confronted by the social expectation that he be a man, and the expectations he has of himself.

Catch 22: By asking for help the bullying victim feels he’s weak, he’s giving in, he feels the bullies must be right. 

Shame is a powerful and painful emotion. So powerful it has been used by religious groups & sects to control their flocks for millenia. It’s caused primordially by a combination of a strong sense of guilt and embarrassment. It originates from the basic human sense of right and wrong. If you do something perceived as wrong, you feel guilty and ashamed and develop the belief that others will judge you for your alleged transgressions and finally that you merit punishment. This is a particularly dangerous aspect of anti-LGBTQ bullying because what’s perceived as wrong and meriting ridicule is an integral part of the individual’s identity. That means victims can begin to question the value of their own existence. The many recent LGBT suicides, from Kenneth Waishuhn to Eric James Borges to Tyler Clementi show us the devastating effects different forms of bullying can have on the youngsters in our community.

We are talking about a dangerous cycle where the shame imposed by bullies generates  a secondary cycle of strong feelings based on a belief in having done wrong, whether or not that belief is correct. Compounding the situation even further is the sometimes permanent damage to the bullying victim’s psyche. In a recent conversation with my psychiatrist friend, Dr. Anita Harris, she explained that she has a patient that’s still dealing with the horrible reverberations of being relentlessly teased during his adolescence. What Anita describes is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), which is manifested by a sense of unworthiness, undeservingness and non-entitlement. Bullying destroys self-confidence and self-esteem. It is unfortunately all too common for anyone being bullied to feel undue amounts of shame. That is a pattern assisted by society’s tendency to blame victims. The bully, noticing he has found a vulnerable target, then heaps on the guilt, increasing the belief in their victim that they (the target of abuse) are deserving of all the bad things that are now happening to them. This is the cycle we must find a way to stop. The first step to any victim’s rights campaigns is to remove the shame that is caused by victimization. Any ideas on how that can be done?

Part II: How to find Mr. Right & then keep him. The year from hell.

A Life with a Soundtrack

Our Own Mess

So Mike said: si tu me dices ven, and I answered ven. Bliss did not ensue. We had no idea of the turbulence that was about to encounter. Our first and biggest problem was one of clashing personalities. He’d been living by himself for many years, most of his relationships had been brief (with two exceptions) and he was used to being in charge. Mike wasn’t just in charge of himself, when his father became ill, he moved to Spain to give his mother a hand. When his sister had financial issues, he stepped in to help. His brother and his young family spent their holidays at Mike’s place in the mountains, he was his own little sovereign nation. He was what Bush II would call: The Decider. The problem was, so was I. I’d gotten into a terrible habit of only pursuing relationships where I had some form of upper-hand. I can’t explain this without sounding like a total jerk, but in my defence, I only realized what I was doing with my 20/20 hindsight. My many successive relationships were exclusively with people who I believed I could control, whether it be because I had more money, I looked better, I was better connected or… whatever. I now understand it was a result of insecurity, a way of fooling myself into believing that if I had the control, it would ensure whomever I was with would never leave me. As there was an age gap between Mike and myself, I presumed young & pretty me would be the boss-man. T’was not so. We were gearing up for Villa l’Africaine’s very own Napoleonic wars. We fought from Monday to Friday. I blasted Thalia’s version of A quien le importa from one side of the house, and from the other side he blasted I am what I am (It was probably a Shirley Bassey version because he’s Welsh). Thursday nights we had a mediator, my late and great mother-in-law, one of the great allies I’ve had in life. Saturday was going out night and we kissed and made up, then I’d spend the evening flirting with everyone/anyone to annoy Mike and try to score points on our invisible score-card. Neither one of us admitted the power struggle was of an emotional nature, and that we were both deathly afraid of giving anyone our hearts to hold in their hands. We took childish to new heights and that’s when we began The Design Wars.

I wanted this

And he wanted this

So he bought these chairs behind my back

and I bought the Directoire secretaire in response

This went on and on and on. It went as far as one of us putting up a painting and the other taking it down, various times throughout the day. We were so involved in our fabricated war we hadn’t realized clouds had been gathering above us. We were in our own little world, dedicating all our time to arguing and the house. As our work load diminished we had time to rejoin the outside world and start getting to know the residents of our new community and get back in touch with the people who had been part of our previous non-coupled lives. This was when all hell broke loose.

Other People’s Mess

Some people have said that Villa l’Africaine looks like a fort because of the entrance tower. It’s 30 feet tall and has little windows which would be perfect for snipers. It was a comforting thought because we realized we were under attack. Both of us, up until that point, had been sought after guests. I was the life of the party, the snarky, risqué guest that no hostess could do without. The one that guarantees there’s no lull in the conversation at her table. Mike was the charming, former actor with the amazing voice and stories of his encounters with all sorts of interesting people. He worked with Ava Gardner three times, he knows Omar Sharif and acted opposite Maximilian Schell in Russia. He and Nureyev once rehearsed in adjoining spaces and Nureyev once goosed him as he was climbing up stairs. Then suddenly it hit us. Our first clue was from a Mrs. S. and came in form of an invitation that went something like this: When you two are on your own, that’s different, but together it’s kind of obvious you’re gay; But since it’s a garden party and there’ll be a lot of people, you’re welcomed to come. Or, why don’t you two alternate, each one of you comes to an alternate event on your own! What? Mike was in shock, he’d been part of the (progressive) arts world since his days doing drama at Oxford, which meant homophobia was practically alien to him. Principled man he is, he declined that and any other future invitations from Mrs. S.

But that was just the beginning, soon we realized it wasn’t just the more conservative sectors of polite society who thought we shouldn’t be together. Many of our friends agreed. But what happens when two obstinate guys are told by the world at large that their relationship can’t possibly work? They stop blasting Thalia’s version of A quien le importa and Shirley Bassey’s version of I am what I am from opposite sides of the house. They pull all the loudspeakers together (so the whole neighbourhood can hear them) and choose a new track. The new track is called Vámonos (Let’s Go)… because the two guys know that it doesn’t matter that one of them is a younger, spoilt, toff and a cad, and it also doesn’t matter that the other is an older, more conservative, homebody. What matters is they want to be together. But it wasn’t all bad, there people who stuck by us as well. The acting/artsy set: Sarah Porter, John McAndrew, Allan Corduner & Jane Bertish and a branch of the society set: Karin, Igel, Angelika & Andrea. Those were the main players who took up arms in our defence, and we’re very thankful for it!

I’ll only translate the important parts, because I’m lazy, scroll down to the second paragraph, but listen to the song to, just because the gently defiant tone is so wonderful.

ESTOY A PUNTO DE LLORAR,
DE TANTO RECORDAR, LAS HORAS QUE VIVIMOS..
ESTOY FORZANDO AL CORAZÓN,
QUE CUMPLA CON VALOR, LO QUE NOS PROMETIMOS.
A VECES, QUISIERA IRTE A BUSCAR,
A PUNTO DE LLORAR, NO SÉ CÓMO ME AGUANTO.
ES TAN DIFÍCIL DE OLVIDAR,
CUANDO HAY UN CORAZÓN,
QUE QUISO TANTO Y TANTO.

QUE NO SOMOS IGUALES DICE LA GENTE, They say we’re not the same

QUE TU VIDA Y MI VIDA SE VAN A PERDER, That our lives will be lost

QUE TÚ ERES UN CANALLA Y QUE YO SOY DECENTE, That you’re a cad and I’m decent 

QUE DOS SERES DISTINTOS, NO SE PUEDEN QUERER.That such different people can’t love each other 

PERO YO A TI TE QUISE Y NO TE OLVIDO,But I love you and never forget you

Y MORIR EN TUS BRAZOS ES MI ILUSIÓN, And to die in your arms is my wish

YO NO ENTIENDO ESAS COSAS I don’t understand these things

DE LAS CLASES SOCIALES,these social rules

YO SÓLO SÉ QUE ME QUIERES,all I know is you love me

COMO TE QUIERO YO.as much as I love you

VÁMONOS Let’s go
DÓNDE NADIE NOS JUZGUE,Where no one will judge us
DÓNDE NADIE NOS DIGA QUÉ HACEMOS MAL.Tell us what we do is wrong
VÁMONOS…..
ALEJADOS DEL MUNDO,
DÓNDE NO HAYA JUSTICIA, NI LEYES, NI NADA,
NÁ MÁS NUESTRO AMOR.

To be continued: Part III, how we lost the first battles but won the war!

Project Protekt UPDATES!!! Test Case Progress!!! Hurray!!!

We are a go…. Our website is being constructed, its future home is:

http://www.projectprotekt.org

We’re dealing with our first bullying complaint and I have been hugely and pleasantly surprised. I sent out a letter outlining the student’s concerns and received a response within the hour of a principal who has promised to do everything she can to help!!! I know it’s very early in the process, but it’s a heartening first experience, which hopefully means we can actually turn this into something that works.

I’ll be talking to Heather McCrae about teen suicide and bullying on her Monday night internet-radio show, here’s the link:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authenticyouradio/2012/05/01/neurodiversity-radio

We blog, but can we make things happen? My plea.

We’re in the process of closing a big (to us) deal, which means I have some free time lately…  That’s why I started this blog just over three weeks ago. There was no concrete intent.  My time was normally spent scouring auction catalogues from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed looking for sleepers. You probably don’t know or care what a sleeper is, but let me explain anyway, because this is my blog and I can be as boring as I like. Auction houses have general experts and work with a massive amount of items, which means it’s impossible for them to be right all of the time. I look for their mistakes. For example, they may catalogue a painting as an 18th century Flemish derivative work (loose copy), but a little bell rings in my head that says certain characteristics of the painting in question may be similar to an important work, but other details lead me to believe it is not a copy of the important work that’s being referenced. I research and if I feel I’m correct I purchase the item, authenticate it and put it back on the market. Interesting finds in the past year have included a portrait of Charles II, the last Hapsburg King of Spain which I got from a Dutch auction house and an 18th century Aubusson Cheval Fondu tapestry which had gone to auction with no identification whatsoever (other than antique tapestry). Anyway I digress…

I’ve discovered a few things in these few blogging weeks. The first being that there are incredibly funny, interesting, fascinating people out there. There’s Comedian Becky Donohue of SweetMotherLover and Tony Cavanagh, a gay acrobat who found his other half (who also happens to be a gay acrobat!). There’s Angry Ricky, who I quite adore reading, because he’s thoroughly cultured, writes beautifully and I get to see the world through the eyes of someone who was a married, conservative Mormon and who’s come to terms with being gay. Finally, I’m coming to my point, thank you for your patience. I had no idea thousands and thousands of people (a grand total of nearly 10 thousand as of today) would be interested in what I had to say in the past three weeks. I won’t lie and say I feel humbled, no one who knows me would believe it anyway. Rather, I feel puissant (yes, that is a word in English too, not just French). I think if like minded people get together, we can effect change, real change.

There’s a wonderful project called Just a Bit Radical that LGBTQ activist and HuffPo blogger Catherine Oliver is trying to get going.

In her words: “Just a Bit Radical is a magazine with a simple mission: to provide lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQQIA) youth and their allies ages 13 to 30 with a publication that discusses ideas and issues that are important to them. We look to increase positive LGBTQQIA awareness in media and in print, and portray a positive and honest view of LGBTQQIA individuals. We look to foster hope in today’s youth, to show them that they can make a difference and that things will improve. Just a Bit Radical is a place just as its name states, a little radical — forward-thinking, bold, and edgy.

I know what you’re thinking: WHAT? 13 to 30? Is she calling me old? Don’t worry, I’m sure you have an online dating profile where you’re between 13 and thirty!!! She promises not to discriminate. But anyway, for this to happen, money is necessary, and as she told me, if 450 people donate 10 dollars, we’re there. Donations can be made on Kickstarter and all you need is an Amazon.com account, which I presume most people already have. I have put my money where my mouth is and donated $150, but if all you have to spare is $5, it’ll make a difference! I’d love to find out that this blogging thing can actually translate into something that’s not only positive for society, but also for our LGBT community. There are 15 days left for the project to be funded, let’s do it! Re-blog, tweet, facebook or do what I plan to do which is invite your friends to dinner and don’t let them leave without making a donation! The minimum donation is $2, so there’s really no excuse for anyone not to participate!!!

Straight but not narrow. Meet Avan Jogia

When I was a teenager, I had that haircut too but I’ve destroyed all the evidence.

Project ProteKT. Updates. Who’s in?

Here we go…

I’ve started https://projectprotekt.wordpress.com as a means to organize the project in a practical terms.

Here’s what I would like to know:

1. I can add people to the blog as editor, author or contributor so people other than myself can have a direct role in putting this project together. I know some people have offered help, but sometimes we drink too much and get excited (like that time you invited those people you’d just met to spend a weekend at your beach-house and they accepted!)- So who’s willing to do what and would you be willing to take on an official role?

2. Formatting suggestions. How should the website be organized? What’s on the front page? How many pages are there? What do they contain. I found an interesting legal resource we can link to: http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

3. I’ve looked into starting an official US non-profit as the US is where the problem seems to be the most severe. Being in Spain doesn’t make the process particularly easy, but I have found a legal office that will do it for around $500. Is it necessary, or can we be credible without that?

4. What’s the best theme for the Project ProteKT blog, which we’ll use until the website is up and running?

Suggestions for Background and Mission Statement?

Project ProteKT

Background: The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network reports that:

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

These numbers make it clear that anti-LGBT bullying is a pandemic within American schools.

Mission:
Project ProteKT is a collaborative, volunteer effort, aimed at assisting LGBTQ youth in the prevention and combat of bullying. We hope to guide you through the processes of lodging complaints and ensuring your rights are respected.

The learning curve. Here we go!!! Any suggestions?

As I imagined would be the case, we’ve barely begun and we’ve already received a request for assistance by a child/teen. I guess I’ll have to learn where we’re going as we go. Here’s a very rough draft of the template letter.

Any suggestions of what else it should or should not include?

The ProteKT Project

Date:

To: (Principal and School)

Re:

To (Principal),

We are writing to you from the ProteKT (Project/Association/Foundation?-Still to be decided) to request that LGBTQ students at your facility be immediately afforded all protections postulated by state and federal law to ensure they are not victims of physical harassment, discrimination, and verbal abuse. By law LGBTQ students have a right to learn in a safe educational environment, free from discrimination and harm. It has come to our attention  that:

1. Description of incidents

2. Description of school’s response

3. Results
School personnel have a duty to facilitate the protection of students, and investigate fully all allegations of discrimination they report. We are now requesting that you protect ______ from the various forms of physical and verbal abuse he/she alleges he/she has suffered at your school.

We are requesting that this protection begin immediately. Please place a copy of this letter in _______’s educational records. If  we are unable to confirm that appropriate measures have been taken to protect _________’s rights, within thirty days, we will be forced to take further action which may range from contacting media outlets to forwarding the complaint to Lambda Legal.

We remind you that you are mandated by law to protect this student’s right to privacy, whilst pursuing all allegations of bullying in a professional and legal manner.

We appreciate all efforts to help this student, and hope that no further interventions on our part will be necessary.

The ProteKT Project

address

city, state, zip

phone #

Sincerely,

E.B. de Mas

The ProteKT Project

NJ bully’s paralyzing punch nets $4.2M settlement – Yahoo! News

This isn’t a gay story, but it’s one victims of anti-gay bullying should be aware of!

NJ bully’s paralyzing punch nets $4.2M settlement – Yahoo! News.

Dear Kenneth Weishuhn & every other young gay person having a hard time,

I’m so sorry Kenneth that I didn’t get a chance to meet you. I’m sorry that I live on another continent, that I wasn’t there to lend a hand. I’m so sorry that when we’re young the world seems so small, that it seems life will never be anything more than what we live at school. It’s not true. The real world is huge and you are NOT ALONE!

There are so many things I wish you had known and that other young LGBTQ people contemplating suicide should know. The first is that we, your gay peers, are everywhere. Every major city in the western world has a gay village, gay bars, gay people just like you who want to know you-who want to help you. We want to know you because we all have a shared experience, we know how you feel. The weight you now feel, we once felt too. Yes, even you there in Redneckville, Alabama, I mean you; And you in Backwatertown, Minnesota, you too. Just like you many of us come from inhospitable environments. Just like you, some of us were bullied. Hopefully, future you will soon find us. Look for us, many of us are online. We’re waiting for you. I am personally waiting for you. You feel lost? Alone? You need a place to stay for a while? Write to us, any of us. Write to me, please, write to me, maybe I can help. Even if I can’t, I can probably help you find someone who can! We will find a way to fix it!

Current you needs to know that the future you will one day walk into something as banal as a bar and you’re going to be overcome with joy. Your eyes might even water, mine certainly did. After years of being sidelined you’ll walk into that bar somewhere or down canal Street in Manchester or Chueca in Madrid and you’ll notice a whole lot of people smiling at you. It’ll be us, your new family. You’ll be home after years of traveling turbulent waters. After I came out I soon discovered I was part of a family, a family unlike anything I’d ever known. There was a lesbian woman who helped me find my first apartment, a gay man who introduced me to all of his friends. The gay flight attendant on British Airways who upgraded me to first class (he was so cute!). After a terrible car accident I had in Rockford, Illinois in December of 1999, two incredible gay people, Erika Storlie and her brother Elgine cared for me for months. I was in a wheelchair and then on crutches and they housed me, they drove me, they helped me tie my shoe-laces, and I barely knew them-but there was something that bound us together other than their natural human generosity. Our community is a wonderful thing, full of amazing and kind people and even though you’re not yet with us, you are a part of us. You are a part of our whole.

Have a look at this list of Gay Villages all over the world, there might be one near you. See that rainbow there in Montréal, that’s your flag! It’s how we find each other. See those people walking down that street, they’re people like you. They’re people like me. Soon enough, you can be walking down that street. Please don’t take that away from the rest of us, don’t take it away from yourself!

Here’s the rainbow waiting for you in Madrid

And Chicago

And even on a beach in Ipanema in Brazil

And if you like skiing, there’s your flag waiting for you in the snow

You’ve got people all over the world just waiting for you!  Not that many people can say that, but you’re one of us, so you can!!!

You look so EX-GAY in those shorts, girl!!!

Above is a picture I found online of a 1983 ex-gay group meeting (exodus-something or other). Don’t they all look really, really, ex-gay? I don’t know which one of them looks ex-gayer. Is it the boy in red who looks like he’s about to break into song or Mr. Shortshort-Tennishorts?

So let me clear this up fellow fairies, if you’re gay, you will always be gay. Repeat after me: Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, GAY. Even if you decide to start dressing really badly (see above), that will not de-gay you. Not even a little bit. Taking up team sports will not de-gay you. Getting your penis electro-shocked will not de-gay you either. Going to church everyday will not de-gay you and you’ll still find your eyes wandering to Jeebus’ sixpack and torso. All evidence & scientific studies to date demonstrate that conversion therapies do not work. Do not work. Do not work. They are a fraud.

Meet dumb-ass “ex-gay” fairy Matt Moore:

His great message to the world is: It Gets Better… Temporarily. In a somewhat incoherent video where Jeebus is mentioned way too many times, Matt tells us how he came out at 20. Then god spoke to him while he was dancing at a gay bar and he realized humanity was broken and that his (homo) sexuality was depraved. I dunno, maybe he was doing it wrong, or maybe by dancing he means he was in a sex sling, hands cuffed over his head in a leather/fetish club (but is that really depraved? And don’t the straight folk do it too?). Anyway, Jeebus has been known to frequent those places and speak directly to the patrons, so maybe Matt’s telling the truth. Or maybe he needs a psychiatrist to prescribe him anti-psychotics. So, why am I making fun of a fellow fairy? Because his message is distilled poison. As I type this, there are people all over the world being tortured. Yes, I said tortured. There are lesbians being raped in Latin America and Africa to “cure” their homosexuality. There are kids in America being electroshocked. If you haven’t seen the video George Michael made with Tomas Mournian about his book, Hidden, watch it now, it’s short and offers a glimpse into the harrowing stories of kids who escape reparative therapy and then find themselves on the streets:

Matt’s problem isn’t being gay, it’s having a low IQ and being contaminated by a brand of religion that teaches people sex is shameful. I don’t normally give a flying phuck (that’s the one from a midsummer night’s dream) if people choose a religious lifestyle, but I’m willing to take my big gay bat to anyone’s kneecap if they use their religiosity to marginalize their fellow citizens, promote ignorance and create an environment that fosters the abandonment and torture of LGBTQ teenagers. So, you wanna be a self-loathing fairy, Matt? Go right ahead, but next time you read a story about homeless gay teens, or a gay teen suicide, why don’t you ask yourself if the kids who got kicked out of their homes were kicked out after their parents saw your video and told them they had to change too (and they knew they couldn’t)- or if the kids who have committed suicide did so after watching your video, because they knew deep down inside that their homosexuality was something that was going to be in them forever- no matter how much they pretended to be ex-gays.

10 Things you should AVOID when coming out to your family!

1. DON’T do it in drag.

2. DON’T bring a dildo along, it’s not show & tell.

3. DON’T let your dog bring a dildo along either!!!

4. DON’T come down the stairs with a pink boa around your neck while singing The Wind Beneath My Wings.

5. DON’T use porn mag’s or sex tapes to illustrate your point.

6. DON’T do it on the Jerry Springer show;

7. Or Maury

8. Or Oprah

9. DON’T take a picture of yourself with the dish-soap and send it to your parents as a Christmas card. No, not even the one that says New & Improved Fairy on the label.

 No, not even if it is your 50th birthday

10. Don’t cut out an old dish soap advertisement, paste your face onto it and put it on the refrigerator. FORGET THE DISH SOAP!!!

…And if you enjoy this sort of

humour, you’ll probably like:

The Eight Species of Gay Men; A non-scientific study by the Pink Agendist

Chipigay, Is that a packet of Chips Ahoy on your shoulder?

I apologize for having forgotten to include Chipigay in my Gayman species study results. I had the displeasure of interacting was contacted by two of them this week, so I feel it’s not fair to exclude them.

Chipigay 

Chipigay, like Cruella de Gay, is also angry. He’s not angry at his Ingenugay break-up, though. He’s angry he doesn’t look like Tipigay, Athletigay, or IfIcouldI’dscrewmyselfGay (which is my species, more on that coming soon). He’s found mostly on internet message boards expressing aggression towards other gay species who he imagines, look down on him. He disguises this aggression as moral superiority and is outraged that other people go to the gym and/or have sex. Chipigay himself has not had sex in a very long time. Physically he’s either overweight or incredibly thin. Stay as far away as you can from this species, they’re nothing but trouble!

The Eight Species of Gaymen. A Non-Scientific Study by The Pink Agendist

In my many years out, I’ve been conducting entirely non-scientific (anti-scientific, even) research to identify and inform society of the many species of gaymen they may come into contact with during their lives. My findings conclude we are divided into eight different species:

Ingenugay

Ingenugay (pronounced engine-you-gay) has just come out of the closet wearing pink-tinted sunglasses and a tiara made of daisies. He’s radiant, he’s innocent, he’s In-gen-u-gay. He thinks all the other gays are his friends. Wake-UP!!! All they want is to get you into bed first. You’re fresh meat. They don’t want your flower tiara they just want to de-flower you. Ingenugay is more of a phase than a species. One day he ends up on youtube crying, with his mascara running down his cheeks as he realizes he’s no longer Ingenugay and has to move into one of the other categories.

TipiGay

Tipigay is the most common category. He’s sweet & fun. He doesn’t watch sports but has a crush on Tom Brady. He’s well dressed, good looking and women everywhere consider him their best girl-friend (who just happens to have a penis). You can take him to dinner with your parents and your mom will just love him. Your father will tell you he barely noticed the guy was gay. He’s a natural born agony aunt and women far and wide call him for relationship advice in the middle of the night and fashion advice during the day. He loves to go shopping with his girlfriends.

Cruella de Gay

Cruella is mad and out for blood!!! He didn’t respond well to his Ingenugay break-up. He keeps a hanky in his pocket to wipe the venom away from the corners of his mouth after he speaks, otherwise it would corrode his own skin. The only time Cruella stops spewing evil is when he’s got a penis in his mouth. Beware, you might be his next victim, he’s got an eye on your boyfriend (even if you happen to be a straight girl). Never leave your boyfriend alone with him and make sure to watch your drink so he doesn’t slip something into it! Physically, this variety tends to be thinner and taller than the others. They also generally end up writing blogs about celebrities.

FaGay

There aren’t noticeable physical characteristic for this specimen, he comes in all shapes and sizes. The one identifiable trait is his high pitched voice, particularly when he says words that end in OUS. Fabulous, marvellous, fantabulous, glamorous, überfabulous. He’s also prone to referring to himself and other gay men as she/her. His arms move around so much when he speaks he could probably power a generator. The only two women he loves are Cher and his mother.

AthletiGay

As if straight men didn’t have a tough time already, here comes Athletigay. He spends more time doing exercise than most people spend awake. Females gasp when they find out he’s gay and mutter “what a waste”. Suburban women fantasize about him when their fat husbands touch them in bed . AthletiGays are usually a little homophobic, they don’t mix with other categories and only socialize and sleep with other AthletiGays. They are obsessed with being “straight-acting” and end up living in the suburbs where they go on bike rides and hike with their adopted children.

ProteGay

The Protegay has watched All About Eve way too many times. He’s observant and knows just what to say to get into your life. He’s characterized by incessant flirtation. If it has a wallet, he’ll flirt with it. He’s also characterized by arriving at your door-step in the evening with two suitcases and a sob-story. Beware, the Protegay does not discriminate by sexual orientation when he’s choosing one of his victims. He might come in the form of a butler to a wealthy lady (Ask Doris Duke), or he might be the younger guy who’s soooooo impressed by your career. He organizes his own clothes by colour. When he asks to organize your clothes by colour, say no, move to another city and change your cell phone number. If you’re already straddled with a Protegay, make sure he doesn’t have access to the IV by your deathbed.

Note: I stole the ProteGay term from the very funny Zach at Sex and the Witty.

Denial O. Gay

Denial O. Gay is of the closeted variety. Closeted in that he wrongly believes nobody thinks he’s gay. At night he stands in front of the mirror practicing his straight face, straight smile, straight laugh, straight scowl. When he goes out, he always has a lady on his arm. He has a boyfriend who he met on grindr who he introduces to people as his colleague, but his boyfriend is never invited to his birthdays. His porn collection is bigger than any of the other species. He’s also into kinky casual sex, but has to drive hours away from home to get it. He wouldn’t risk being outed! What he doesn’t realize is that everyone and his mother know he’s gay. Straight men didn’t cry after every single episode of Oprah’s last season and don’t squeal when they’re watching America’s Next Top Model.

Gayd E. Nial

This species is similar to the previous species as they’re neighbours at numbers 23 and 24 on Closet Lane, Short Hills, NJ. The main difference is however that Gayd E. Nial is married, religious and a registered republican. Denial O. Gay says he’s a republican but actually votes democrat. This species also has a propensity towards public homophobia whilst having a gay porn collection almost as large as the previous species. They only have gay sex when travelling and tend to do it in airport bathroom stalls or with rent-boys. This species is quite common in Catholic and Muslim countries and in conservative circles worldwide.

Susans

Now I couldn’t write a post about Gayman types without mentioning the Susans. Every individual Gayman and every individual gay bar has a Sue. She’s trapped in a vicious circle. She hasn’t had a boyfriend in years but she only goes out to gay clubs and only has gaymen as friends. She lives vicariously through gaymen and is a little bit too interested in the details of our sex-lives. When she gets drunk she gets handsy. Susans are invariably overweight and often depressed, but gaymen everywhere tell her she looks fab, so she doesn’t feel the need to go on a diet or take Prozac. As she ages she starts collecting cats and will eventually appear on an episode of Animal Cops: Detroit, when her neighbours start complaining the smell emanating from her home is unbearable.

If I’ve left anyone out, or your own non-scientific research has led you to identify other species of Gaymen, please, do share!

UPDATE:

Our new friend at Honey I’m a Lesbian has just done the lesbian version, to see it click here

Is Jesus a Homophobe? Do you mean Jesús Gomez, my gardener?

If you haven’t seen Jesus The Musical, where he performs I Will Surivive, it’s only a couple of minutes long and sooooooo worth it!!!

Now, did my title offend you? No? Too bad, that’s what I was going for.

A couple thousand years ago, (mostly) illiterate middle-eastern camel herders passed legends on to each other. Legends about a god that was kind of a combination of all the gods that came before him. Before Jesus was born on December 25th, the all mighty Mithra was born on December 25th of the virgin Anahita. He too had 12 companions or “disciples.” His sacred day was Sunday, “the Lord’s Day,” hundreds of years before the appearance of Christ.

Before that there was Horus who was apparently:

Conceived by a virgin, Isis-Meri (not Mary but . . .)

His conception was announced by an angel to Isis, his mother.

Did I mention Krishna? Sent from heaven to earth in the form of a man? Had an earthly father who was a carpenter? Resurrected? Celebrated a last supper? Apparently people in that part of the world were nowhere near as creative as Tolkien or even J.K Rowling for that matter. I care as much about whether the X-tian Jeebus was a homophobe as I care if Zeus liked spicy chicken wings, Hamlet liked 400 thread count sheets or Goldilocks was a good housekeeper. Jesús Gomez on the other hand, it would matter if he was a homophobe, because he’d probably get angry at me peeking out into the garden in summer to see him working with his shirt off.

NOTE: Spanish gardener/staff jokes are only racist if you’re not Spanish, but as I am, I’ve got carte blanche.

Maryland teen dead by suicide

Maryland teen dead by suicide.

FAQ. The Monologue. Where are the NYT people?

I’ve written on this wordpress thing for 14 days now. Once in February and then I took it up daily from the last week of March. Being new to this, I’m still trying to get my bearings. You see, what I hadn’t realized was that having a blog wasn’t going to be like an off-Broadway show, with me sitting on a stool at the centre of a stage and delivering a monologue that would touch people’s lives forever and ever. I also hadn’t realized it would take more than 14 days of blogging for the New York Times people to find me and plead for me to share my genius with the world on their opinion pages. I’m still available NYT, come and get me!!!

I’ve had a total of about two thousand visits so far, which is probably nothing in blog-world, but it has been enough for a whole lot of questions and messages in my inbox that go from: would you like to meet up for a shag? To: you’re going to hell you queer! To a quite persistent one, who’s your actor husband. Of course there are also messages asking if I want to add three inches to my penis size and an offer from a Nigerian woman to receive 20 million euros on her behalf (and keep a whole bunch of it?), but I’m pretty sure those weren’t blog-related. How could they be? Everyone knows former porn stars have giant schlongs and don’t need money!

So, here are the answers to the two most asked question:

Who’s your actor husband?

My actor husband took an early retirement and moved to the Spanish coast. We’ve been friends since my wild days and a couple for a decade. First a wild couple, now a more tame one. His name is Mike and although he no longer acts he’s still an associate of the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford on Avon. He retired early because he couldn’t face the idea of wearing tights on stage for the rest of his life. He’s done movies and television, but is best known for his work in theatre. On the right you can see him playing Ferdinand to Dame Helen Mirren‘s Duchess of Malfi. Mike is the one to Helen’s right. If you’ve seen Priest of Love with Ava Gardner, he’s the much younger man she falls for.

P.S.  I will answer no questions about actors, acting, theatre, movies, Mike’s friends or his fellow actors! This thing is supposed to be all about me, Me, ME!!!

Omar Sharif & Mike in Peter the Great

Why do you often write about trans people and trans issues if you’re a gay man?

April Ashley

I think the trans contingent of our community gets the least attention and suffers the most discrimination. They also deal with complex medical issues that are often exploited on television by the media. I have trans friends, had a short relationship with a trans person and my circle overlaps with April Ashley’s circle. We both lived in Marbella and we share a good common friend, Peter Finch‘s daughter Anita. An example of the discrimination I speak of is that April has an amazing story, has lived an extraordinary life and wrote a wonderful book, but received very little air time. The only reason I think her book, The First Lady, didn’t sell as well as Running with Scissors and Hollywood hasn’t gone knocking on her door is that she’s a trans woman who they can’t exploit as a freak. Her existence challenges stereotypes and robs people of a chance to mock and exploit other trans people. So promoting the T’s in LGBT is a big part of my personal agenda.

Shirley, Anita & April

Almodóvar, Transgenders and Me

To preface this story I should explain that the same way the Anglophone

Rocío Jurado

LGBTQ community has Liza Minelli and Cher, in Spain it’s Isabel Pantoja and Rocío Jurado (or it least it was 10 years ago).  They’re not only icons but also the main characters which are/were performed at the gay clubs. One of the few places the transgendered community could find gainful employment for many a decade. It was at one of these bars that I met Javi (pronounced havy). He was a shy waiter/bartender who often stared at me, gave me free shots and awkwardly tried to start conversations that left both of us twiddling our thumbs. After a couple of months of this strange dance Javi disappeared, substituted by a stringy blond boy. I thought nothing of it. he had probably moved to Madrid or Barcelona as many of the locals do. The coast is usually the first stop for LGBT’s leaving small villages and towns and looking for a wider community and a way to make a living. Many months later I’m sitting

Isabel Pantoja

at my usual table at this same bar. It’s where I started my going out ritual in the old days. It was owned by a male to female transsexual in her 70′s, one of the pioneers who had early surgery in Morocco and became an LGBTQ icon herself by owning a successful bar/club where she was able to employ other marginalized people like her. The first time I saw her perform she did Lola Flores, fan in one hand, peineta (spanish comb) in her hair. Parkinsons made her hands tremble and it was the one of the most moving performances I’ve ever seen. That was my first night in Spain and growing up on a diet of Almodóvar and Buñuel, I knew I’d chosen the right place to live.

All of us gay men, and the odd token lesbian, would pack ourselves into this bar so tightly, if you didn’t get a table early you’d have to stand up and be crushed by fellow crowd members jumping up and down to see the stage. And that’s when I saw her. She was introduced as Star-Woman. Lo and behold, it wasn’t someone who just had Isabel Pantoja style clothes and make-up, it looked like the younger Isabel Pantoja herself. Movements and mannerisms identical to the original.

That’s Star-Woman in the video, btw, watch it because she’s great! After the show the crowd disperses and Star-Woman goes around greeting the patrons. When she arrived at my table we were all in awe, but I was more so than the others. So many compliments, she blushed. I  invited her to go on with us to the next club where I had access to the VIP room. She accepted. Half way through the evening I was still dumbfounded, as if she were the real Pantoja. I probably even poked her with my finger like we do at Madame Tussauds. Sexual attraction has a funny way of playing tricks on us. There I was, a gay man, who suddenly had a crush on a male-to-female transsexual. A transitioned one, as she explained to us.

“So you like the change?”

“What do you mean?”

Yep, it was Javi, little, shy and girlish Javi who I hadn’t given a second glance to while he was a he. Suddenly he was this über-woman, oozing sensuality and with a sort of charisma that just engulfs you. He was finally a whole person, confident, exuberant.  Despite my fellow gay-male friend’s protestations, I did go off with Star-Woman that night (and a few other nights). It didn’t work out, but it did teach me that sexual attraction is so much more fluid and complex than heterosexist societal norms. So where do I fall on the Kinsey scale? Well, I’m still primordially a gay man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take a stroll through the scale and explore. What life would be complete without the Almodóvar moments?

Coming Out & Negotiating with Terrorists

My coming out (or outing) didn’t involve a discussion at the kitchen table or a fourteen page letter to my parents- or even a youtube video. No, nothing warm and fuzzy. The saga begins when I was 21 and engaged to a girl. I had been living in America, in the mid-west to be precise (don’t ask me how I got there), and had just had my first gay liaison. It was a disaster, but that’s another story. One marriage disaster averted and my first gay disaster over, I got on the internet, found a half-decent design school in the south of Spain, packed my bags and left. Destination: Gaydom. Well, half-gaydom, half Marie-Claire-dom. That’s Peter Sarstedt’s Marie Claire, the one that goes to the embassy parties, and stole a painting from Picasso. In case you don’t know the song:

No, I didn’t want to be a woman, or have pearls in my hair. I wanted to be the gay male version of Marie-Claire (Mario G. Claro?). Coincidently my mother’s name is Maria-Clara, but move along, let’s not fall into a Freudian/Jungian rabbit hole. My arrival was pure heaven. I felt free for the first time ever. Totally f-r-e-e. I could re-invent myself, or finally be myself, depending on how you look at it. I arrived long before the school year began thanks to a little trickery and deception. That provided me with nearly five months to just be gay in. And let me tell you, I used every last second of it! I learnt how to cut in line at the clubs and how to cut lines (mdma, ketamine, charlie, speed… you name it, I tried it)… and as I’m having all that fun my mother calls, and calls, and calls. Mother & Drama = Moth & Flame. I ducked and dodged but finally she cornered me into coming to visit. One evening I come home during said visit and she’s sitting at my desk, photographic evidence laid out in front of her. Not raunchy pictures, just at the clubs pictures. Well, there was one of me and an American Marine kissing. Aaaaahhh the Spanish/Latin/Catholic flair for drama. Think telenovela. Arms flailed. Hair bounced. Fingers were pointed. And then it was her turn to start. Just kidding, the drama was all hers. Terrible moment? Not quite. Best moment ever. As I listened to her talk about her dreams, her expectations, her image, the impact on her life, the fact that I was their first son (that’s still important in some parts of the world)- I started laughing, finally realizing I’d made it, I was an adult. My life was my own, it was going to be about me. I didn’t need anyone’s approval. The rest of the visit involved a lot of talking and going in circles, and then I realized I had to ask her to leave. To pack, to go, to get out. Out I say! Sometimes it really is impossible to negotiate with terrorists. So what does Madam I’m the Centre of the Universe do? She flies to meet the Great Family Poobah, the holder of the purse strings. Her ex-father-in-law. Mr. Scientist/I’m on T.V. everyday/Birth Control Guy. Here he is being interviewed by a Latin American (and fat) version of David Letterman

Grand Poobah grandfather with all his latin-male-machista-virtuosity says: Bad boy, bad bad bad boy! No more money for you. That’s not good news, being Mario G. Claro is very expensive. So is having a penthouse on the sea-front, and you can’t imagine how much fuel a vintage Jag XJ6 consumes, it’s got two tanks!

Marbella, 2001
Why didn't I stop chewing when the picture was being taken?

Fast forward to 2012, it got better. Not kind of better, but really great. Sure it was a rocky road but I stuck to my “I don’t negotiate with terrorists policy”, without it, it wouldn’t have gotten better. I’ve found the perfect way to insulate myself from amateur dramatics by only allowing email communication (no phone calls, no visits) and even then, I’ve given myself the power to set the terms on which I find it acceptable. If you’re dealing with an inhospitable environment, remind your family that relationships go two ways. It’s not just about them respecting and accepting you, it’s also about you respecting and accepting them. If someone wants to have you in their lives, they owe you the same respect and acceptance you afford them. Otherwise it’s just not worth the time or the effort.