5 reasons why you should buy JABR

5 reasons why you should buy JABR.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m over Anderson Cooper; My new crush is François Picard.

If you’re in the UK/EU and have Sky TV, he’s on channel 513 every afternoon at 7:30 Paris time (6:30 London time).

He’s got the eyes of a puppy. I discovered him a while back at which time he substituted Anderson Copper as the fantasy husband in the fantasy life that goes on solely in my head. He’s a spectacular interviewer and can moderate a debate like no other.

BTW, I don’t think he’s gay, but I don’t care.

Anderson Cooper: ‘The fact is, I’m gay’ | The Lookout – Yahoo! News

“Anderson Cooper has confirmed what most people in the media world and New York already knew: he is gay.

“The fact is, I’m gay,” Cooper wrote in an email to Daily Beast blogger Andrew Sullivan. “Always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.”

Sullivan, who is gay and is a longtime friend of Cooper’s, had asked the CNN anchor for his reaction to a recent Entertainment Weekly story about the importance of gay celebrities coming out of the closet to combat America’s bullying epidemic.

“Andrew, as you know, the issue you raise is one that I’ve thought about for years,” Cooper responded. “Even though my job puts me in the public eye, I have tried to maintain some level of privacy in my life. Part of that has been for purely personal reasons. I think most people want some privacy for themselves and the people they are close to.”

Anderson Cooper: ‘The fact is, I’m gay’ | The Lookout – Yahoo! News.

Project Protekt Update. Thank you Costas Kyriacou!!!

Thanks to artist/graphic designer Costas Kyriacou, we now have a logo…

I LOVE IT!!!!!!

He contributed his time and work for free, and we’re extremely glad he did.

Click here to have a look at his website

In his words: “In the logo, I used a curve like a small abstract umbrella over the letters KT (kids, teens) in protekt to show “protection”. The rainbow colours are used in it to show the LGBT aspect. So it’s a representation the message that the project is about protecting LGBT kids and teens.”

Victory. The anti-climax that is victory. Revenge.

I’ve briefly mentioned how the 2007/2008 crash put us in a terribly difficult financial position. I was economic with the details because I’ve always found whiny people quite annoying. We didn’t starve, our bi-monthly wine deliveries didn’t stop and the house was heated in winter- albeit only half the house. We sold part of our modern art collection, but not the Botero bust. Ha!

Approximately four years ago, one fateful event after the next, we realized our investments were goners. Dust. That meant we were stuck. Both our businesses depend directly on investment. We went to our bank manager at Banco Santander (notice the acronym is BS). We explained our losses, that we had sizeable assets and that we wanted to increase our mortgage to 50% of the value of Villa l’Africaine (something they’d offered us many times.) Without batting an eye-lid he said: No. Mike, composed as ever, went on to explain he has income from his royalties, that my art brokerage business pulls in quite decent sums every year and we had land and another house. At that point in time we also owned 1/3rd of a beach-front apartment in Marbella that had belonged to Mike’s mother. The bank manager listened and when Mike was done he said, but you have no money, the answer is no. He went on to explain that as things stood we represented no risk to the bank at all. In the worse of circumstances, if they foreclosed on us, there was no chance of them making a loss. If they helped us, they’d be taking a risk and it wasn’t the moment for risks.

Fast forward four years. With the help of a friend (and her personal finances) we were able to push ahead with the building of Villa Trianon, next door. Far enough along that the build & our digital impressions captured the imagination of a lovely British couple who as of yesterday are the new owners. We didn’t get a huge price like we used to in the height of the real-estate boom, but we got enough to merit the renewed attention of the manager at BS. Yesterday was the anti-climax. We signed the papers, we had the check, we were furious at the extra fees BS was charging us for re-paying our mortgage. We were both quiet throughout the afternoon, wondering if maybe we’d accepted too low a price. Then in the evening we got an email from the buyers which included the following:

Dear Mike and Edouard,

Half way through the first bottle of champagne! (only bottle and probably our last for many years ….)

Thank you for today – hope you are as pleased as we are at the outcome !

It was very touching. Sometimes, when we’re doing business, we forget there are real people with real lives in the middle. The buyers of Villa Trianon are a couple in their 60′s. He’s a Major in the British army so they’ve spent their lives being stationed here and there and everywhere. As they approached retirement they began looking for their “forever house”. We’re very happy they chose one that we were building. We had been thinking of the transaction as one more house, one more client, one more sale- but it was actually so much more. We built something that a family wants to spend the rest of their lives in. We sold it at a time when no one is able to sell anything. We got enough for it to not have to worry about money for a good long while. It was a victory. An important one because before we got to it we were casually shown who was on our side and who was not. Who delighted in spreading gossip about us having had to sell one painting or another, and who didn’t. We purged our lives of that BS, and today of another.

This morning Mike stopped in at BS. The manager invited Mike into his office and outlined all the ways BS would be pleased to assist us in handling our newfound portable wealth. Instead, Mike wrote down our account number at another bank and instructed him to transfer every last cent we had there. It was his Pretty Woman moment. I haven’t had mine yet, I haven’t decided who I’m going to use it on- So beware world, it’s coming!

Totally Random Pictures. A life in pictures and one video.

My grandfather is very busy. So busy that when someone wants to interview him, he’ll say yes on the condition the interview coincides with something else he’s doing. At least, that’s his story. He has a classic 1930′s sailing yacht, and he’s obviously found a way to get a young & pretty lady to accompany him on it.

I hated spending time on that thing. After one night, I’d start making faces. People would tell me that if the wind blew while I was making faces, my face would stay that way forever. They were wrong because the wind blew and I do not have an underbite.

I hated boats, but I loved horses. Show-jumping, endurance riding, breaking horses in. Everything horse related.

From the age of 18 to the age of 21 I was engaged (to a girl.) I had floppy hair and a beard. I thought the beard made me look more masculine.

At 21 I came out and immediately got myself a boyfriend. He was blond, tall and from Wisconsin. Somehow, I look much younger than I did when I was engaged.

It didn’t work out, but before I left the US, I got to be part of a great group with some really great gay guys.

I moved to Spain, in search of a new life. Here I am paying for parking at the Malaga airport, but I saw a camera so I threw my head back like Marlene Dietrich.

My first boyfriend in Spain was Norwegian. We were madly in love. We lived for a while in London together, but he got tired of me. I was really screwed up back then, I don’t blame him.

Oh, I almost forgot, between my first boyfriend in life and my first boyfriend in Spain, there was an American Marine. He was really cute, I called him tex-mex,  I have his dog-tags. That’s him on the left. I got this off of Facebook, he was cuter 10 years ago, but DADT was in place and I’d just come out. I was enjoying being out.

back then we looked like this

Then there was T…, then F…, then the one who almost broke me, aka The Boy. I found this picture of The Boy online today. He looked better without the beard.

OMG, I have a Republican friend & she nominated me for an award!

I have to begin by saying I’m very happy today, my happiness began last night. As I’ve mentioned I’m a bit from everywhere, I’ve lived on three continents- but I only have one citizenship. Having grown up in America (legally), I was given the choice at 21 to become a citizen, or go. I chose to go because I always felt more at home in the EU. Before I was eighteen, because of family, I could have opted for Spanish or Brazilian citizenship- but in either case that would have involved compulsory military service (it was the law in both countries back then), and I’m not well suited to following instructions. You put me near a red button and tell me not to push it, chances are you’ll soon hear a BOOM! I’ll have started World War III, just because someone told me not to push a button. So I decided to be kind to the Spanish & Brazilian armies and save them from me. France was kind enough to give me a dispensation from military service. I explained that I drink, I smoke, I complain a lot, I’ve got a temper. Do you really want me handling weapons? They said they did, but then a kindly doctor agreed that my asthma was a good reason to let me go on my way. So my citizenship is French and only French and although I was too lazy to drive two hours to vote at the French consulate in Seville yesterday, my candidate of choice won anyway! My new President is François Hollande. I am what is known in France as a Socialiste Champagne, in Germany as Champagner-Linken, in Switzerland Cüpli-Sozialisten. In Italy we’re known as Radical Chic and in Portugal as Esquerda-Caviar. The criticism goes that we’re wealthy people who push left-wing ideas, and somehow that’s incompatible. I can say wholeheartedly it’s not incompatible. I do like my champagne and caviar on occasion, but I also don’t complain about paying 43% income tax. I do complain about my property taxes, but that’s a long story, one that would merit its own post.

A few weeks ago I discovered Bird. Not like a casting director would discover a starlet on his couch, but in that internet way. You click here, then you click there, then you’re reading about property prices in Bratislava and somehow you end up buying a Nicer Dicer. Bird is not a socialist, not the champagne kind or any other kind. We’ve never talked about it, but I’m pretty sure she’s a Republican. She’s also a Christian. Those two things alone mean that theoretically we shouldn’t get along. But in some weird way we do. Maybe it’s because I’m a left-winger who drives a huge SUV and knows how to shoot. In fact, I shoot better than Dick Cheney and my evidence is that I never accidentally shot a friend in the face. I did shoot my brother in the leg once, but it was a BB and I even managed to convince him it was an accident. Small harm, small foul. On the other hand Bird isn’t a typical right-winger. She’s got a strong libertarian streak. A don’t you get in my business thing. More than that, she’s got great compassion and she puts that compassion above ideology. She does her own thing and I love that in people.

Today she nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. Quite appropriate as I’ve already got a Versatile Gay Man Award. This is the first award I’ve ever received that comes with instructions. I didn’t know awards came with instructions except maybe the Oscars. Under any Oscar statuette you’ll find the words “insert into anus”.  Not every Oscar winner follows those instructions, but Meryl Streep did. Hence this look on her face:

The instructions for my award don’t involve inserting anything anywhere. They are:

• Add the award to your blog. 
• Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog. 
• Mention 7 random things about yourself.
• List the rules.
• Give the award to 15 or more bloggers – I’m going to break this rule and keep the number of nominations short.

I’ve done the first two things, so now 7 random things about myself:

1. When a conservative told me they were going to give me an award, I was expecting this:

2. I’m 5’9  and Mike is 5’10, so ever since we’ve been together I buy shoes from a website called Tall Men Shoes. So I’m taller than Mike.

3. I have a glass, I know my glass, I only like to drink iced tea and juice from my glass. It’s slightly misshapen. If you bring me a non-alcoholic beverage in another glass, I’ll go to the kitchen and pour it into my glass.

4. We lost a lot of money and some of our investments turned to dust when the financial crisis hit in 2007/2008, I thought our business was going down.

5. Four friends helped us. One transferred $130,000 into our account. The other three got together and gave us $30,000. We gave an expensive car we owned to the three, and tomorrow we’re paying back the last that’s owed on the $130,000. She never complained or asked for the money, not once.

6. When I was a child I didn’t want to be a fireman or an astronaut. I wanted to be a dictator.

7. I own a 19th century, French tiara. I say I bought it to complement my 17th century Italian Madonna bust- but if I’m home alone, I take it off the Madonna and wear it.

Now, who am I awarding this to? 15 or more bloggers? No way. But here’s your award, do with it what you will. My top picks in no particular order:

1. Sweet Mother Lover, because she’s funny and very versatile, she’s been with boys and girls, and she’s Irish-Colombian. Yes, seriously, Irish Colombian. What’s more versatile than having a gun in one hand, holding a rosary in the other and transporting drugs in your stomach?

2. God and Son, he’s not very versatile, but he is very funny. It’s atheist humour, so if you’re a Christian, I don’t recommend you visit his blog. Stephen Fry says he’s like that kid with the magnifying glass killing ants.

3. My Life with Tits, you don’t get more versatile than Eli. He’s smart, he’s cute, he’s trans and he’s just bought his first suit.

4. Free Penny Press, totally versatile. There’s poetry, there are pictures, there’s even Basquiat- and genealogy and jazz funerals.

5. Colinology  is my favourite mini-gay. He’s seventeen, extremely intelligent and embarking on his first great adventures in life and love.

6. Angry Ricky, he’s my Mormon. Not actually my Mormon, but the only Mormon I know.  Some days Mike asks me, how’s your Mormon doing? His versatility comes in the form of reconciling sexuality and religion. He does it through critical thinking (most of the time.)

and finally

7. Caption America, totally versatile, totally random and totally funny.

So there… awards given. Done and dusted. This took ages. Don’t anyone even dream of giving me another award. I’m exhausted. I’d pour myself a glass of wine, but it’s only 3:05, which means I have to wait another one hour and 55 minutes. That’s random fact number eight about me, on work days, I only drink after 5pm.

Project ProteKT: Calling all parents, teachers, educators, school staff. We want your opinions!

Are you a parent, teacher or educator? Are you involved with children and teens? We would like your opinions on the prevention and combat of anti-lgbt bullying.

1. What anti-bullying policies have been the most successful at your school?

2. What is the best way for a child/teen to approach the issue with their school? Informally or with a written complaint? What should be contained in the complaint?

3. How can the situation be handled without further negative repercussions (backlash) for the bullying victim?

4. What are your thoughts and suggestions for victims and for schools?

Project ProteKT

Background:

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network reports that:

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

These numbers make it clear that anti-LGBT bullying is a pandemic within American schools.

Mission:

Project ProteKT is a collaborative, volunteer effort, aimed at assisting LGBTQ youth in the prevention and combat of bullying. We hope to guide you through the processes of lodging complaints and ensuring your rights are respected. We also aim to make parents and communities aware of bullying that may be occurring in their children’s schools as well as recognizing successful efforts to stamp out bullying throughout the world.

The Austin School District responds to my criticism of their letter to staff.

The Austin School District responds to my criticism of their letter to staff.

From: Mel Waxler/AISD@AISD
CC: Superintendent/AISD

Good morning. My name is Mel Waxler. I am the General Counsel and Title IX Coordinator for the District and the author of the letter you
reference. I thank you on behalf of the Superintendent and the District for writing to us.
The letter simply reflects the requirements of state and federal law and has been shared with employees of the District for the last several years. This is the first year that I have received the kind of feedback that you have described, and it has not been widespread by any stretch of the imagination. For the few that have contacted me directly, I feel an understanding was achieved.

Your email suggests that the District and my Office might take the bullying of LGBT students less seriously than other incidents of bullying/cyberbullying/student on student sexual harassment/teen dating violence. I can assure you that such is not the case. The District is an active participant in the community’s Hate Crimes Prevention and Response Task Force; the Superintendent has mandated that all AISD campuses and Central Office shall become a No Place for Hate environments in 3 years, one of which we just completed; the District is working with non-profits in the community to design and implement an interactive, bully-prevention website so that students, parents, AISD staff, and members of the community-at-large can file complaints, get information, etc.; the District just arranged two screenings and facilitated conversations of the movie “Bully” for its campus administrators, bus drivers, campus police, and others to raise the awareness of and response to all of the types of bullying addressed in the movie; our policies are cutting edge and nationally recognized; and our response to incidents of bullying of any kind when reported stand the test of scrutiny.

There are other things that the District is doing, including its internal Council on Cultural Proficiency and Inclusiveness, that we could discuss if you wish.

Once again, thank you for your contact.

Sincerely,
Mel Waxler

I have followed up with a few more more questions:

My concerns are regarding certain passages of the letter.
“…staff should keep in mind that students are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure and should be sensitive to the possibility that a student may face ridicule or peer pressure by non-participation”
The general tone troubles me. The focus seems to be on peer-pressure for non-participation rather than on anti-lgbt bullying. It seems to me that before The Day of Silence, a campaign aimed at stopping anti-lgbt bullying, perhaps it would be more responsible to send a letter to staff mentioning the grim statistics related to anti-lgbt bullying…
…The memo goes on to say: “School personnel should neither encourage nor discourage a student’s participation. Because school personnel are generally quite influential in developing the thoughts of young children, it is important that school personnel avoid even the appearance of endorsing a particular position or belief on behalf of the school. Personnel should avoid publicizing their beliefs to students for this reason. If students inquire directly about a staff member’s beliefs, staff may answer the question simply and briefly but should avoid answering in a manner that could be construed as proselytizing. School personnel may participate provided they do so in their free time, outside the presence of students, and do not impose on non-participating employees.”
I may be incorrect, but in my reading of that, the implication is that staff must avoid the appearance of endorsing this particular anti-bullying campaign. So my question was, and remains being: Is this neutrality reserved only for the Day of Silence campaign because it’s an LGBT related matter, or is it generalized? During domestic violence month, are staff asked to remain neutral regarding their position on domestic violence? On Martin Luther King Jr. day, are staff asked to be neutral regarding their position on apartheid? You mentioned certain state and federal laws that may be the reason for the language in this letter to staff. What are they, and what is AISD’s position regarding those laws? Do they in any way limit what AISD can do in regards to anti-lgbt bullying? I’m working on an outreach project for bullied LGBT teens, which will also highlight school districts that are successfully dealing with the issue (and those who are not). If it’s not too much trouble, could you share with us a bit of your experience with the issue? What do you find to be the major factors (legal and otherwise) that help/hinder combating bullying in AISD schools? What policies have been the most and the least successful?

Let’s wait and see what happens next

Exposé: One Million Moms? Not quite.

In the past few months you’ve probably heard of a group called One Million Moms. They were the group who tried to get Ellen DeGeneres fired from a JC Penny campaign. Having failed in spreading their anti-gay message the first time around, they’re giving it another go by calling for a JC Penny boycott once again. This time it’s over a catalogue picture that shows two women kissing.

Who are they?

Unlike their name implies, they are not a grass-roots organization formed by concerned parents. One Million Moms was created by an also inaptly named hate group: The American Family Association. You don’t know the AFA? Here’s what the Southern Poverty Law Center says about them:

American Family Association

Methodist minister Donald E. Wildmon formed the National Federation for Decency in 1977, changing its name to the American Family Association (AFA) in 1988. Today, the group, which was taken over by Tim Wildmon after his father’s 2010 retirement, claims a remarkable 2 million online supporters and 180,000 subscribers to its AFA Journal. It also broadcasts over nearly 200 radio stations.

The AFA seeks to support “traditional moral values,” but in recent years it has seemed to specialize in “combating the homosexual agenda.” In 2009, it hired Bryan Fischer, the former executive director of the Idaho Values Alliance, as its director of analysis for government and policy. Taking a page from the anti-gay fabulist Scott Lively (see Abiding Truth Ministries, above), Fischer claimed in a blog post last May 27 that “[h]omosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler, and homosexuals in the military gave us the Brown Shirts, the Nazi war machine and 6 million dead Jews.” (Ironically, the elder Wildmon was widely denounced as an anti-Semite after suggesting that Jews control the media, which the AFA says “shows a genuine hostility towards Christians.”) Fischer has described Hitler as “an active homosexual” who sought out gays “because he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough.” He proposed criminalizing homosexual behavior in another 2010 blog post and has advocated forcing gays into “reparative” therapy. In a 2010 “action alert,” the AFA warned that if homosexuals are allowed to openly serve in the military, “your son or daughter may be forced to share military showers and barracks with active and open homosexuals.”

Gays aren’t the AFA’s only enemies. In late 2009, Fischer suggested that all Muslims should be banned from joining the U.S. military. “Islam is a totalitarian political ideology,” Fischer added in August 2010. “It is as racist as the KKK. … Allowing a mosque to be built in town is fundamentally no different that granting a building permit to a KKK cultural center built in honor of some King Kleagle.” A little later, according to the Huffington Post, Fischer said that whatever the government does to “to make it unthinkable for America’s youth to join a white supremacist group,” it should also do “to make it as unthinkable for a resident of America  to embrace Islam.” Around the same time, the Huffington Post said, he blogged that Muslim values are “grossly incompatible with American values,” and therefore no place in America should allow a mosque to be built.

And then there are the promiscuous. On his May 26, 2010, radio show, Fischer recounted the biblical story of Phineas, who used a spear to kill a man and a woman who were having sex. Citing the nation’s “rampant sexual immorality,” Fischer said, “God is obviously looking for more Phineases in our day.”

The Fischer mentioned by the SPLC is the same Fischer you’ve been hearing about in the news recently:

He’s also the one who quoted Martin Luther King, Jr.’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech to argue in favour of discrimination against the LGBTQ community.

Follow the money & the numbers:

The AFA as a whole claims to have 500,000 members. A far cry from what their One Million Moms and One Million Dads groups hope to imply with their names. 500,000 people is the population of Fresno, California. That means that California alone, with a gay population estimated (conservative estimate) at 1.5 million people, there’s a gay population that’s three times higher than the number of people the AFA has in the entire country. Their claim to represent the majority of Americans is a manipulative pipe-dream, it’s a con job.

Their 2010 income statement:

Income Statement     (FYE 06/2010)

REVENUE
Total Contributions	$18,370,870
Program Service Revenue	$0
Total Primary Revenue	$18,370,870
Other Revenue	$1,229,871
TOTAL REVENUE	$19,600,741
EXPENSES
Program Expenses	$19,106,095
Administrative Expenses	$880,914
Fundraising Expenses	$818,811
TOTAL FUNCTIONAL EXPENSES	$20,805,820
Payments to Affiliates	$0
Excess (or Deficit) for the year	$-1,205,079
Net Assets	$36,737,464

So how do they keep this cash cow going? How do they get their members on radio shows and giving interviews on television programs? There’s only one answer: CONTROVERSY. This is an enormous organization that depends almost exclusively on the LGBTQ community. They depend on demonizing us to fund-raise, to exist, to keep themselves in the spotlight and fund cushy salaries.

These groups are not about ideology, they’re not about protecting children, they’re not about making people’s lives better. They’re about greedy, ignorant people. They’re about con-artists and fraudsters who use junk science and myths to line their pockets. All that money you see mentioned up there, it doesn’t go to help people losing their homes, it doesn’t go to helping feed the poor, it doesn’t go to help educate children. It doesn’t go to help struggling single mothers. It doesn’t help the homeless, it doesn’t fund medication for the sick. All that money goes on funding campaigns that are AGAINST one group or another and to keeping the directors of these groups in the spotlight so they can sell their books and peddle their snake oil.

Bullied student faces expulsion, fired stun gun mom gave him | Indianapolis Star | indystar.com

Another shocking example of the need for advocates to step in, before situations escalate to this degree. The school’s suggestion to the students was that he “tone down his accessories”. One day between classes he was surrounded by six students threatening to beat him up. He took out a stun gun and demonstrated it. The bullies backed off. They reported him and he was cuffed by campus guards and is now facing expulsion.

Bullied student faces expulsion, fired stun gun mom gave him | Indianapolis Star | indystar.com.

Project ProteKT. BREAKING NEWS: The Austin School District Exposed. Neutrality on Anti-Gay Bullying?

What you see on the right is an internal memo from the Austin Independent  School District to all of their principles concerning the Day of Silence. I found myself breathless yesterday as I read their instructions to staff.  They begin by explaining that the Day of Silence is a day of protest against the bullying and harassment of LGBT students in schools. They go on to say: “Students may voluntarily engage in this activity as long as participation is not disruptive to instructional activities or in violation of the Student Code of Conduct. School staff should keep in mind that students are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure and should be sensitive  to  the possibility  that a  student may  face  ridicule or peer pressure by non-participation.”

Yes, you read that correctly. The Austin school board is concerned that people who do not oppose anti-lgbt bullying are going to be bullied!!! In response to The Day of Silence, they have not sent out a memo about the grim statistics related to anti-gay bullying, statistics that range from dangerously high suicide rates to the possibility of permanent psychological damage.

In case you haven’t been following us and don’t know the statistics I’m referring to, here’s a reminder:

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

The Austin School District believes the appropriate response from their staff is NEUTRALITY.

The memo goes on to explain The Austin School District’s policy on neutrality:

“School personnel should neither encourage nor discourage a student’s participation. Because school personnel are generally quite influential in developing the thoughts of young children, it is important that school personnel avoid even the appearance of endorsing a particular position or belief on behalf of the school. Personnel should avoid publicizing their beliefs to students for this reason. If students inquire directly about a staff member’s beliefs, staff may answer the question simply and briefly but should avoid answering in a manner that could be construed as proselytizing. School personnel may participate provided they do so in their free time, outside the presence of students, and do not impose on non-participating employees.”

Since I first read this yesterday, I’ve been wondering if The Austin School District has a similar policy regarding other non-discrimination campaigns. Before Martin Luther King Day, do they send out neutrality instructions regarding anti-racist bullying? During Domestic Violence Awareness month, do they send out a circular telling staff that they must avoid answering questions in a manner that could be construed as proselytizing?

I have decided to send a letter to The Austin School District asking for clarifications, and if they do indeed insist their staff be neutral on the bullying of any other part of their student body, or if their neutrality is only reserved for anti-LGBTQ bullying.

A Poem by K. Ryan Henisey

I tend to find SuperGays annoying. They’re good looking, talented and in this guy’s case, also, “a 1st grade teacher, writer, artist & home cook”. To add insult to injury, you make an obscure Adonaïs reference and he knows what you’re talking about. All of that should really should get him blacklisted by me. Instead, since I was brutal yesterday, I’m being nice today; So here’s a link to his poem in Equal Magazine. It’s quite outstanding.

Equal Magazine Publishes Poem and Digital Art « lifeasgood.

And prepare yourselves for tomorrow… I re-watched John Neumeier’s production of Dame aux Camelias a couple of days ago, and fully intend to bore the will to live out of all you with my long-winded commentary on it.

Top Ten Reasons I Should Not Adopt a Gayby!!!

I might be tempted to re-enact the wire hanger scene from that movie about Joan Crawford

If it annoys me, I might do this

I’d be a terrible example

Really Terrible

Really, Really, Terrible

I’d probably send it out to buy cigarettes

I’m too lazy to follow a gayby around the house

I don’t like noise

I might forget it somewhere

More than once

Racial Profiling: A Totally Unreliable Eyewitness in Sotogrande

Disclaimer: I don’t always wear my glasses. The television is always on, but we’re not necessarily paying attention. The television in the bedroom isn’t a big screen. If you ask me a question, I’ll always give you an answer, even if I don’t know the answer. The answer will never be: “I don’t know”. Cross racial identification is notoriously unreliable.

The Scene: It’s midnight on Monday, I’ve run into the bedroom before Tara, our Irish Wolfhound, has a chance to jump on the bed. If she gets there first, she spreads out, hogging most of it, and leaving me on a ledge. If you’ve ever met an Irish Wolfhound, you know what I’m talking about… They’re HUGE, extremely friendly, but huge. It’s no use kicking her off the bed, she’ll wait until we fall asleep and then get on top of us, which is worse.

Mike comes out of the bathroom and lays down.

Mike: What are we watching?

Me: Piers Morgan, I’m waiting for Law & Order.

Mike: I hate Piers Morgan. Who’s he interviewing.

I squint. It’s a good looking, African American man, he’s doing Streetcar on Broadway. I know the names of attractive black actors, but Denzel Washington is the only one that comes to mind, so it must be Denzel.

Me: It’s Denzel Washington

Mike: No it’s not.

Me: Yes. It. Is.

Mike: Then why does the banner say Blair Underwood?

Me: The banner must be wrong. Blair Underwood is a girl.

Mike: I think it’s that guy that used to be on Grey’s Anatomy.

Me: No it isn’t. It’s Denzel Washington. Blair Underwood is probably coming up next.

Mike: I’m sure it’s not Denzel Washington.  You’re terrible at stuff like this. You’re the only person in the world who confuses Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro.

Me: They look the same

Mike: They do not, look the same.

Me: Blair Underwood is a singer. She won American Idol or America’s Got Talent. Was it Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro who was in Angels in America?

Mike: Oh my god. You ask that same question four times a year. It was Pacino.

Me: They look exactly the same. Big nose, floppy black hair.

Mike: If you wore your glasses more often, you’d find they do not look the same.

Me: Yes they do, and there’s that other one that looks like them too.

Mike: Who?

Me: Dustin Hoffman

Mike laughs

Me: You’re an idiot.

Mike: Why would Denzel Washington be doing Broadway? He can’t need the money. Why would he put himself through that?

Me: How do you know he doesn’t need the money? Didn’t he have a big unpaid tax bill a while back. I think he was even going to go to prison.

Mike: That was Wesley Snipes.

Me: Who’s Wesley Snipes?

Mike: He was in that Wong Foo movie with Patrick Swayze.

Me: That was RuPaul.

Mike: RuPaul only appears in a cameo.

Me: Oh, I know. He’s that basketball player.

Mike: No, he’s an actor, not a basketball player

Me: Then he was a basketball player before he was an actor. He does all sorts of things. Remember, he wore a wedding dress once, he’s a cross dresser.

Mike: Dennis Rodman?

Me: What?

Mike: Dennis Rodman is the cross-dressing basketball player.

Me: Then who’s Wesley Snipes?

Mike: I’m going to read now.

Me: Just because you hate being wrong. Now we’ve missed the whole Denzel Washington interview.

Mike: When you get up tomorrow google it. If that’s Denzel Washington, I’ll walk the dogs for two weeks by myself.

Me: Shush, Law & Order is beginning.

It’s possible to be talented & an idiot: Dustin Lance Black

Recently a fellow blogger called me brutal, he is absolutely right. My brutality is the result of impatience for stupidity. LGBT activist Melanie Nathan, wrote a response yesterday to Dustin Lance Black’s absurd (not to say imbecilic) threat to withdraw support from President Obama. Mr Black, in his Hollywood Reporter article, offers us a diatribe which includes:

“So until the president publicly puts his wheels down on the side of full equality, he must be passionately engaged, confronted and protested for maintaining his prejudiced, hurtful public position. If his evolution continues to fall short, then those interested in equality in this country must abandon their support. Hope should never become delayed disappointment.”

My brutal message to Mr. Black is quite simple: Gay Marriage is by no means the panacea of equality he and other gay activists would have us believe. In fact, the passing of marriage equality in countries like South Africa have in no way diminished homophobia or prevented the genuinely brutal practice which is corrective rape. True equality can only be achieved by education, by dispelling pernicious anti-gay myths and by fighting for respect rather than tolerance. By putting so much weight on gay-marriage, we are setting aside issues which are sometimes deadly. I’m sure Mr. Black might be overwhelmed by the idea that he can’t yet be married on the Malibu beach-front, surrounded by scores of his Oscar-party going friends -but- there are over two million LGBTQ youth who are homeless, at high risk of being exposed to AIDS, drug abuse and death. Anti-LGBTQ bullying is a pandemic in schools.

• Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) report being verbally harassed at school.
• More than 60 percent of LGBT students said they have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation.
• Nearly 45 percent of LGBT students report being physically harassed in school.
• Nearly one-third of LGBT students nationwide have said they have missed a day of school in the past month because of feeling unsafe.

The minorities in our minority, African-American & Hispanic gay men are at absurdly high risk of contracting AIDS and other std’s. So pardon me, Mr. Black, if I find your inability to get married in Malibu shouldn’t be our exclusive priority as activists or as a community. But, who knows, perhaps you’re right, abandoning support for the party that has consistently supported diversity might be the clever thing to do! While we’re at it, why don’t we all sign up for the military, buy guns, and join GOProud, that way we can join Republicans in promoting a message that excludes from society anyone and everyone who doesn’t conform to their 1950′s ideal of acceptable identity and family.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life by Gabriel Arana

From The American Prospect, an outstanding article by Gabriel Arana about his failed experience with ex-gay therapy.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life

GABRIEL ARANA

APRIL 11, 2012

A deep look at the fringe movement that just lost its only shred of scientific support.

My So-Called Ex-Gay Life.

A Very Gay Spanish Lesson. What’s The Ambiente? A Must Read for Travellers

If you’re a gay person travelling through Spain there are few words you need to know. The first is: Ambiente. Literally translated to English that word means environment/atmosphere, but as gay slang, it means: A place with some gay atmosphere, girl! Well, it means anything gay, person, place or thing. If it’s from the environment, it’s gay.

Below is my place of atmosphere, it’s called Passion. The video has Rebeka Brown performing live (then, being interviewed at the end). It also has a guy I know embarrassing himself by giving a drunken interview at 1 minute 50 seconds into the video. I’m not judging, I’ve often embarrassed myself there, but no one seemed to mind because I looked like that. Oh, and watch out for the Go-Go boy wearing a mask on the vid!

Okay, I know that’s cheating, I shouldn’t just post pictures of myself where I look good. So here’s one where I’m actually at Passion. The eyes have been censored for reasons only known to other drug users. And before you ask I have no idea how that little person got into the picture. And I am too Latin, albeit a pale version!

So now you know to go searching for The Ambiente when you get to Spain, but what next? Well, the Ambiente is very friendly which generally means many heterosexuals  walk amongst us; So the next word (or question) you need to know is: ¿Entiende? You may already know that that word means Understand,  but in gay slang it simply means: Gay. If you understand, you’re gay! So now you’re understanding and in a place of atmosphere. What else do you need to know?

Buga/ doesn’t have a non-slang meaning / heterosexual

Chupachochos / chocho sucker / not to be confused with the Chupacabra, It means lesbian.

Clóset / closet / means someone is closeted. Use: Mira el clóset / one would think you’re telling someone to look at a closet, when in fact you’re telling them to look at the closet-case

Daddy / daddy / means sugar daddy

Elvis / Elvis? / means bi-sexual

Heteroflexible / means they’re straight, but if you get them drunk enough you have a chance

Inter / means they’ll do anything in bed

Jotera / hetero token woman who’s part of a lesbian group

Julio Iglesias / older lesbian trying to look young

Leñador / lumber-jack / lesbian

Marimacha / Mary-Macho / masculine lesbian

Muerdealmohadas / pillow biter / gay man who is only passive in bed

And finally be careful with your masculine’s and feminine’s. Pollo means chicken, Polla means something else…

A more complete list is being compiled and will be posted soon!

Freedom of Religion: Step away from my BLT & stop looking at my crotch!

The USA seems to be the only country in the civilized world where the miscomprehension (Is that a word? It is now) of Freedom of Religion still exists. It still exists primordially because religious zealots have successfully mangled logic and reason beyond any possible recognition; But all is not lost. There’s a simple way to explain it to them using something that is almost universally sacred to most of us with European origins: Bacon. Yes, I just said bacon. I’ll even let you choose, you can refer to the British meaty kind, or my favourite which is the fatty Oscar Mayer kind.

Freedom of religion, like most freedoms afforded to citizens of the civilized western world, is an individual freedom. What does that mean? It’s actually very simple. An individual freedom is one I can apply to my own life, not one I can force other people to apply to their lives. If I did, I would be interfering with their right of freedom of religion! In regards to religion, it means each one of us can:

A) Choose a (any) religion freely

B) Choose how often (or not) we participate in religious rituals

C) Follow as many religious regulations (or not) as we choose

D) Change to another religion at any given moment

And here’s where the bacon comes into the story. Orthodox Jews and Muslims have something in common other than fighting over (bad) Middle-Eastern real-estate. Both groups forbid the consumption of bacon. In free countries both groups also have the right to follow their religions. Now, in my eyes, a life without bacon would be a life not worth living, but here’s the great thing, freedom of religion means I don’t have to follow their religion and end up on a ledge contemplating death. They can’t make me follow their religions. I can spend the rest of my life looking forward to bacon with eggs, on salad, in sandwiches- and that wonderful smell!

So here’s what freedom of religion is not:

A) It’s not the right to make other people live by the tenets of your religion

B) It’s not the right to force other people to obey the rules of your scriptures

In practical terms that means:

• It’s not the right of Orthodox Jews & Muslims to forbid me from eating bacon
• It’s not the right of the aforementioned religious groups to force women who are not members of those groups to cover their hair with scarves or wigs
• It’s not the right of Christians to tell people when, how or with whom they should or shouldn’t use their genitalia
• It’s not the right of Christians to tell their fellow citizens how they should or shouldn’t live their individual freedoms

So what’s this rant all about? It’s about freedom. You have the right to choose and follow your religion, and I equally have the right to be a Hitchensian/Dawkinsian Atheist. You have the right to spend your Sundays in church, and I have the right to spend my Saturday nights wearing an I Believe in Evolution t-shirt whilst dancing to I Will Survive in liberal San Francisco, surrounded by my fellow gays (if I so choose). Stop interfering with other people’s individual freedom of religion by trying to impose your beliefs on their lives!!!!

Project Protekt: For Shame! Bullying & Keeping It a Secret

Bullying and shame
“If you ever come home beaten-up, and the other boy didn’t get it worse than you, I’ll beat you up all over again”

No, my father didn’t actually hit me, ever, but he did say that. I was around nine years old and still remember it as if he had said it to me this morning. He also enrolled me in Jiu-Jitsu classes, somewhat against my will. I was by no means the macho-super-jock he had hoped for and his expectations in my pre-adolescence marked the death of our relationship. He was but a reflection of his culture. Men were supposed to be strong and tough. We’re supposed to chase girls. We’re supposed to take care of ourselves and fight our own battles. Yesterday, as I was detailing anti-gay bullying to a school principle in Florida, she asked me: Why didn’t he come to me sooner? Why did he let it go on for over a year? The answers were so obvious in my mind, I didn’t understand how they wouldn’t also be clear in the minds of others. In an effort to clarify the goals of Project ProteKT, I’m examining these issues in more detail and looking for a way to articulate them clearly. Bullying results in fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt which increase progressively whilst the bullying goes on. The victim isn’t just being confronted by the bully, he’s also confronted by the social expectation that he be a man, and the expectations he has of himself.

Catch 22: By asking for help the bullying victim feels he’s weak, he’s giving in, he feels the bullies must be right. 

Shame is a powerful and painful emotion. So powerful it has been used by religious groups & sects to control their flocks for millenia. It’s caused primordially by a combination of a strong sense of guilt and embarrassment. It originates from the basic human sense of right and wrong. If you do something perceived as wrong, you feel guilty and ashamed and develop the belief that others will judge you for your alleged transgressions and finally that you merit punishment. This is a particularly dangerous aspect of anti-LGBTQ bullying because what’s perceived as wrong and meriting ridicule is an integral part of the individual’s identity. That means victims can begin to question the value of their own existence. The many recent LGBT suicides, from Kenneth Waishuhn to Eric James Borges to Tyler Clementi show us the devastating effects different forms of bullying can have on the youngsters in our community.

We are talking about a dangerous cycle where the shame imposed by bullies generates  a secondary cycle of strong feelings based on a belief in having done wrong, whether or not that belief is correct. Compounding the situation even further is the sometimes permanent damage to the bullying victim’s psyche. In a recent conversation with my psychiatrist friend, Dr. Anita Harris, she explained that she has a patient that’s still dealing with the horrible reverberations of being relentlessly teased during his adolescence. What Anita describes is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), which is manifested by a sense of unworthiness, undeservingness and non-entitlement. Bullying destroys self-confidence and self-esteem. It is unfortunately all too common for anyone being bullied to feel undue amounts of shame. That is a pattern assisted by society’s tendency to blame victims. The bully, noticing he has found a vulnerable target, then heaps on the guilt, increasing the belief in their victim that they (the target of abuse) are deserving of all the bad things that are now happening to them. This is the cycle we must find a way to stop. The first step to any victim’s rights campaigns is to remove the shame that is caused by victimization. Any ideas on how that can be done?

Part II: How to find Mr. Right & then keep him. The year from hell.

A Life with a Soundtrack

Our Own Mess

So Mike said: si tu me dices ven, and I answered ven. Bliss did not ensue. We had no idea of the turbulence that was about to encounter. Our first and biggest problem was one of clashing personalities. He’d been living by himself for many years, most of his relationships had been brief (with two exceptions) and he was used to being in charge. Mike wasn’t just in charge of himself, when his father became ill, he moved to Spain to give his mother a hand. When his sister had financial issues, he stepped in to help. His brother and his young family spent their holidays at Mike’s place in the mountains, he was his own little sovereign nation. He was what Bush II would call: The Decider. The problem was, so was I. I’d gotten into a terrible habit of only pursuing relationships where I had some form of upper-hand. I can’t explain this without sounding like a total jerk, but in my defence, I only realized what I was doing with my 20/20 hindsight. My many successive relationships were exclusively with people who I believed I could control, whether it be because I had more money, I looked better, I was better connected or… whatever. I now understand it was a result of insecurity, a way of fooling myself into believing that if I had the control, it would ensure whomever I was with would never leave me. As there was an age gap between Mike and myself, I presumed young & pretty me would be the boss-man. T’was not so. We were gearing up for Villa l’Africaine’s very own Napoleonic wars. We fought from Monday to Friday. I blasted Thalia’s version of A quien le importa from one side of the house, and from the other side he blasted I am what I am (It was probably a Shirley Bassey version because he’s Welsh). Thursday nights we had a mediator, my late and great mother-in-law, one of the great allies I’ve had in life. Saturday was going out night and we kissed and made up, then I’d spend the evening flirting with everyone/anyone to annoy Mike and try to score points on our invisible score-card. Neither one of us admitted the power struggle was of an emotional nature, and that we were both deathly afraid of giving anyone our hearts to hold in their hands. We took childish to new heights and that’s when we began The Design Wars.

I wanted this

And he wanted this

So he bought these chairs behind my back

and I bought the Directoire secretaire in response

This went on and on and on. It went as far as one of us putting up a painting and the other taking it down, various times throughout the day. We were so involved in our fabricated war we hadn’t realized clouds had been gathering above us. We were in our own little world, dedicating all our time to arguing and the house. As our work load diminished we had time to rejoin the outside world and start getting to know the residents of our new community and get back in touch with the people who had been part of our previous non-coupled lives. This was when all hell broke loose.

Other People’s Mess

Some people have said that Villa l’Africaine looks like a fort because of the entrance tower. It’s 30 feet tall and has little windows which would be perfect for snipers. It was a comforting thought because we realized we were under attack. Both of us, up until that point, had been sought after guests. I was the life of the party, the snarky, risqué guest that no hostess could do without. The one that guarantees there’s no lull in the conversation at her table. Mike was the charming, former actor with the amazing voice and stories of his encounters with all sorts of interesting people. He worked with Ava Gardner three times, he knows Omar Sharif and acted opposite Maximilian Schell in Russia. He and Nureyev once rehearsed in adjoining spaces and Nureyev once goosed him as he was climbing up stairs. Then suddenly it hit us. Our first clue was from a Mrs. S. and came in form of an invitation that went something like this: When you two are on your own, that’s different, but together it’s kind of obvious you’re gay; But since it’s a garden party and there’ll be a lot of people, you’re welcomed to come. Or, why don’t you two alternate, each one of you comes to an alternate event on your own! What? Mike was in shock, he’d been part of the (progressive) arts world since his days doing drama at Oxford, which meant homophobia was practically alien to him. Principled man he is, he declined that and any other future invitations from Mrs. S.

But that was just the beginning, soon we realized it wasn’t just the more conservative sectors of polite society who thought we shouldn’t be together. Many of our friends agreed. But what happens when two obstinate guys are told by the world at large that their relationship can’t possibly work? They stop blasting Thalia’s version of A quien le importa and Shirley Bassey’s version of I am what I am from opposite sides of the house. They pull all the loudspeakers together (so the whole neighbourhood can hear them) and choose a new track. The new track is called Vámonos (Let’s Go)… because the two guys know that it doesn’t matter that one of them is a younger, spoilt, toff and a cad, and it also doesn’t matter that the other is an older, more conservative, homebody. What matters is they want to be together. But it wasn’t all bad, there people who stuck by us as well. The acting/artsy set: Sarah Porter, John McAndrew, Allan Corduner & Jane Bertish and a branch of the society set: Karin, Igel, Angelika & Andrea. Those were the main players who took up arms in our defence, and we’re very thankful for it!

I’ll only translate the important parts, because I’m lazy, scroll down to the second paragraph, but listen to the song to, just because the gently defiant tone is so wonderful.

ESTOY A PUNTO DE LLORAR,
DE TANTO RECORDAR, LAS HORAS QUE VIVIMOS..
ESTOY FORZANDO AL CORAZÓN,
QUE CUMPLA CON VALOR, LO QUE NOS PROMETIMOS.
A VECES, QUISIERA IRTE A BUSCAR,
A PUNTO DE LLORAR, NO SÉ CÓMO ME AGUANTO.
ES TAN DIFÍCIL DE OLVIDAR,
CUANDO HAY UN CORAZÓN,
QUE QUISO TANTO Y TANTO.

QUE NO SOMOS IGUALES DICE LA GENTE, They say we’re not the same

QUE TU VIDA Y MI VIDA SE VAN A PERDER, That our lives will be lost

QUE TÚ ERES UN CANALLA Y QUE YO SOY DECENTE, That you’re a cad and I’m decent 

QUE DOS SERES DISTINTOS, NO SE PUEDEN QUERER.That such different people can’t love each other 

PERO YO A TI TE QUISE Y NO TE OLVIDO,But I love you and never forget you

Y MORIR EN TUS BRAZOS ES MI ILUSIÓN, And to die in your arms is my wish

YO NO ENTIENDO ESAS COSAS I don’t understand these things

DE LAS CLASES SOCIALES,these social rules

YO SÓLO SÉ QUE ME QUIERES,all I know is you love me

COMO TE QUIERO YO.as much as I love you

VÁMONOS Let’s go
DÓNDE NADIE NOS JUZGUE,Where no one will judge us
DÓNDE NADIE NOS DIGA QUÉ HACEMOS MAL.Tell us what we do is wrong
VÁMONOS…..
ALEJADOS DEL MUNDO,
DÓNDE NO HAYA JUSTICIA, NI LEYES, NI NADA,
NÁ MÁS NUESTRO AMOR.

To be continued: Part III, how we lost the first battles but won the war!

Project Protekt UPDATES!!! Test Case Progress!!! Hurray!!!

We are a go…. Our website is being constructed, its future home is:

http://www.projectprotekt.org

We’re dealing with our first bullying complaint and I have been hugely and pleasantly surprised. I sent out a letter outlining the student’s concerns and received a response within the hour of a principal who has promised to do everything she can to help!!! I know it’s very early in the process, but it’s a heartening first experience, which hopefully means we can actually turn this into something that works.

I’ll be talking to Heather McCrae about teen suicide and bullying on her Monday night internet-radio show, here’s the link:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authenticyouradio/2012/05/01/neurodiversity-radio

Some Americans think Chaz Bono is controversial? Meet Spain’s beloved trans Flamenco star: Falete

If flamenco music isn’t your thing, don’t watch the first video, but if it is, meet Falete. While Americans were debating whether Chaz Bono being on Dancing with the Stars was controversial, on the other side of the Atlantic, trans woman Falete was performing on national television and selling out concerts everywhere she went. A few years ago I was invited to an amazing party at Kim Soudavar’s house where we got to see Falete perform live to a small crowd here in Sotogrande, so I’ve been a fan for quite a while. I think she’s amazing because not only is she incredibly talented, but she challenges views of what a star is supposed to look like (are you listening Simon Cowell?). She also chooses to use a gender neutral name.

Here she is doing Flamenco on TV:

And now singing something a bit softer:

Part I: How to find Mr. Right & then keep him!

Most people would probably be surprised to know that Mike and I only got to know each other because he made one of the most cringe-worthy mistakes in all of human history.

Our lives didn’t intersect in Torremolinos which was my gay-world, instead we met in Marbella. It was a winter evening and as I did in those days, I was searching for flashing lights, in the hope of growing my collection of pictures of myself in magazines. I know, I had unusual hobbies. Mike approached me, we had a casual, pleasant conversation mainly about there not being many openly gay people around. We made loose plans of him maybe coming with me to Torremolinos (where he’d never been!) or maybe having lunch. We exchanged emails and phone numbers and I thought that was that, I thought no more of it as I went home. The next morning when I woke up, my cell phone was flashing, there were six nervous messages, all of which included different variations of the following phrases: I’m sorry; Please don’t open your email; Let me make it up to you; I didn’t mean it!

I couldn’t resist, of course, so I opened my laptop and there it was in my inbox, a message from Mike. I opened it, it wasn’t addressed to me, but simply to J. The letter described his meeting with a toff. If you’re American you may not have heard the term, but basically it’s British slang for a haughty, upper-class fool. You’re wondering who this fool was? It was moi. I know, I was as surprised as you!!! He went on to compare my suit to one that would have been worn by the son of a wealthy mafioso, and he was furious about my coat. Furious it had a black fox fur collar. Furious it was real fur, and even more furious that when he asked me about it I made jokes about him and his hippy/actor friends pelting me with tomatoes. He asked J: Who in the world would wear a coat with a fox collar in the south of Spain? The rest of the email criticized my choice of home, my choice of car and basically the offence that was my existence. I didn’t call him back or answer the email. I wanted to torture him a little. We’d barely met and yet he seemed mortified and desperate to apologize in the voice-mail messages. He thought I’d be angry, but in reality I found his message hilarious. I’d laughed all the way through it. Not nervous laughter, but real, from the gut laughter. It was the best and funniest description of me I’d ever read, albeit in a caricaturesque sort of way.

When I got home from lunch, he was waiting outside my building, and began an apologetic monologue of how he hadn’t meant anything he had said. He wanted to make it up to me, take me to lunch, invite me to spend the weekend at his place… please, please forgive me. I invited him in, explained everything was fine and he was perplexed, incredulous I could just brush the whole thing off. I accepted his dinner invitation, and suggested the restaurant where I ate most nights in those days, El Gusto. I caught him by surprise by waving away the bill when it came, I had a tab there. He insisted on paying, but I told him it wasn’t up for negotiation. We were fast friends. It turned out our wildly different surfaces were disguising our wildy similar minds.

He found my excursions into escorting fascinating and advised me against doing porn, as that would go on my permanent record. He told me about his life in acting, working at the RSC with Ian McKellen and Judi Dench. Becoming friends when he was a young man with Mia Farrow and being the godfather of two of her adopted children (see what I meant about his hippy actor friends pelting me with tomatoes)… and how he’d given up his career after spending a holiday at his parent’s house here in Spain. I told him about my childhood, my first disastrous relationships, my move to Spain. We started emailing regularly, as friends. I visited one weekend taking with me folders of cd’s and he burnt copies of my Maria Dolores Pradera, Los Panchos and Frank Sinatra (and burnt copies for me of his Maria Dolores Pradera, Los Panchos and Frank Sinatra). BTW, If you like sentimental Spanish music, Pradera is queen. For a good long while he was watching out for me as I roller-coasted dangerously through life. At the lowest point, just as I was de-railing, ready to give up- he sent me an email with five words: Si tu me dices ven

Boy, did I cry. I mean, except for the Duchess of Windsor and myself, I don’t know anyone who was able to extract that sort of emotion from one of her Majesty’s subjects!

If you’re not an aficionado of this sort of music you probably don’t know the song. So here it is, this is a bad and loose translation, but you get the picture. If you listen to it in the video, you can perhaps capture its intensity.

If you tell me, come, I’ll leave (drop) everything.
If you tell me, come, everything will be for you;
My darkest moments
I’ll also give to you
My secrets which are few
will be yours too

If you tell me, come, everything will change
If you tell me, come, there will be happiness
If you tell me come , if you tell me come…

Don’t stop the moment…
To unite soul with soul, heart with heart
To laugh with you during times of pain (lit. before any pain)
To cry with you, to cry with you
it will be my salvation

But if you tell me, come, I’ll leave everything
Don’t let it become too late..
and find yourself (wandering) on the street
lost, without anywhere to go…
If you tell me come, I’ll leave everything…

To be continued… with the story of how our first year together was absolute HELL!

And just because this is one of the greatest lyrics ever, here’s Maria Dolores Pradera singing

Amaneci en tus brazos/I awoke in your arms

We blog, but can we make things happen? My plea.

We’re in the process of closing a big (to us) deal, which means I have some free time lately…  That’s why I started this blog just over three weeks ago. There was no concrete intent.  My time was normally spent scouring auction catalogues from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed looking for sleepers. You probably don’t know or care what a sleeper is, but let me explain anyway, because this is my blog and I can be as boring as I like. Auction houses have general experts and work with a massive amount of items, which means it’s impossible for them to be right all of the time. I look for their mistakes. For example, they may catalogue a painting as an 18th century Flemish derivative work (loose copy), but a little bell rings in my head that says certain characteristics of the painting in question may be similar to an important work, but other details lead me to believe it is not a copy of the important work that’s being referenced. I research and if I feel I’m correct I purchase the item, authenticate it and put it back on the market. Interesting finds in the past year have included a portrait of Charles II, the last Hapsburg King of Spain which I got from a Dutch auction house and an 18th century Aubusson Cheval Fondu tapestry which had gone to auction with no identification whatsoever (other than antique tapestry). Anyway I digress…

I’ve discovered a few things in these few blogging weeks. The first being that there are incredibly funny, interesting, fascinating people out there. There’s Comedian Becky Donohue of SweetMotherLover and Tony Cavanagh, a gay acrobat who found his other half (who also happens to be a gay acrobat!). There’s Angry Ricky, who I quite adore reading, because he’s thoroughly cultured, writes beautifully and I get to see the world through the eyes of someone who was a married, conservative Mormon and who’s come to terms with being gay. Finally, I’m coming to my point, thank you for your patience. I had no idea thousands and thousands of people (a grand total of nearly 10 thousand as of today) would be interested in what I had to say in the past three weeks. I won’t lie and say I feel humbled, no one who knows me would believe it anyway. Rather, I feel puissant (yes, that is a word in English too, not just French). I think if like minded people get together, we can effect change, real change.

There’s a wonderful project called Just a Bit Radical that LGBTQ activist and HuffPo blogger Catherine Oliver is trying to get going.

In her words: “Just a Bit Radical is a magazine with a simple mission: to provide lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQQIA) youth and their allies ages 13 to 30 with a publication that discusses ideas and issues that are important to them. We look to increase positive LGBTQQIA awareness in media and in print, and portray a positive and honest view of LGBTQQIA individuals. We look to foster hope in today’s youth, to show them that they can make a difference and that things will improve. Just a Bit Radical is a place just as its name states, a little radical — forward-thinking, bold, and edgy.

I know what you’re thinking: WHAT? 13 to 30? Is she calling me old? Don’t worry, I’m sure you have an online dating profile where you’re between 13 and thirty!!! She promises not to discriminate. But anyway, for this to happen, money is necessary, and as she told me, if 450 people donate 10 dollars, we’re there. Donations can be made on Kickstarter and all you need is an Amazon.com account, which I presume most people already have. I have put my money where my mouth is and donated $150, but if all you have to spare is $5, it’ll make a difference! I’d love to find out that this blogging thing can actually translate into something that’s not only positive for society, but also for our LGBT community. There are 15 days left for the project to be funded, let’s do it! Re-blog, tweet, facebook or do what I plan to do which is invite your friends to dinner and don’t let them leave without making a donation! The minimum donation is $2, so there’s really no excuse for anyone not to participate!!!