Where have I been? I hate technology. Maison Jansen. Higher stats- Who are these people? There was a book, then there wasn’t a book.
by pinkagendist
We sent the computer in to be re-formatted last Friday. The man took longer than expected. Windows 7 is very nice, except my canon camera doesn’t work with it, neither does my photo editing program etc… etc… The technology market is a scam. They force you to buy new stuff every few years by knowingly ceasing support for older products. The shame is my digital camera works perfectly and will now be retired; And I’ll have to learn the ins and outs of a whole new imaging program- one is not amused.
The few days without the computer were actually quite refreshing. It was the first time I’d spent more than 48 hours without the internet in the past 12 years. I read, I watched Judge Judy, I sat on the lawn and played with the dogs. It was good because we had to get the house ready for a visit. Not a visit from people interested in buying the villa but from their architect, Mr. Rojas. They think we don’t have enough bedrooms. In my head I answered “What are you planning to have here, a polygamist compound?”- but I held my tongue. I ended up working myself into a frenzy before the visit, it’s something I’ve done since childhood. My grandfather even made up a little story when I was around ten in the hope that if I understood what I was doing I’d stop it. It went something like this:
It’s the Easter holidays and a man’s driving his Jaguar in the countryside. He sees a sign that says nearest town: 10 miles and soon afterwards he has a flat tire. He looks in his trunk and realizes his spare tire is also flat. He’s angry, but mainly at himself. He decides to walk to the nearest town, tire in hand. He’s reasonably calm at first but something starts building in his mind: It’s a Sunday, the guy’s going to charge me extra to fix this on a Sunday, around $50. In fact, it’s Easter Sunday, he’s going to charge me a fortune, $100. Time lapse. When he sees it’s a Jaguar tire he’s going to think I’m rich, he’s going to charge me $150. Time lapse. By the time the man arrives in the town and finds the garage, he’s furious. Before the mechanic has a chance to speak he’s already screaming: You THIEF! $550 to fix a flat tire! You THIEF!!! How dare you! Do you think I’m an idiot?
…And in that spirit I was ready for the visit. Some self-important architect is going to come here and say my house doesn’t have enough bedrooms, ridiculous! He’s going to criticize everything… He’s going to say… He’s going to do… This is probably a ruse to use against us in the negotiations… I’ll slap him. I will you know!
The visit was nothing of the kind. The man couldn’t have been more charming and more complimentary- and I felt like quite the fool. We had wine and discussed classical painters. I showed him my Maison Jansen coffee table that arrived this week. I’ve been looking for one that I liked and didn’t cost a fortune for years. I considered this one, but I wanted an all bronze/brass version. Then there was this one, that I love, but it was just too small… Anyway, I finally have what I want and if Mike is kind enough he’ll take some pictures for me to put up.
My stats keep climbing steadily. Not to huge proportions, although I have no idea what’s big and what’s small in blogworld. Every couple of weeks I get a new busiest day thingy. It usually coincides with a day when I don’t write at all. This week the number is 875.
I sometimes wonder who these people are and if they really having nothing better to do. Mike tells me that I find my life uninteresting because I’ve always been me…
On my prolonged disconnection from the internet I’ve been reconsidering the (a) book. Two years ago I finished writing one, got an agent, lined up a publisher, but then somebody said it was brilliant. It wasn’t brilliant. I was surprised, afraid, then slightly offended, then I pulled the plug. I think that I might perhaps use the good parts and build a new story around them. It started like this:
I was born against my will on March 23, 1978, Maundy Thursday. I fought the Caesarean section, I fought the doctor and I fought the forceps; Three hours later I had lost my first battle against the world. In protest I screamed. I screamed so loud it made the nurses shudder.
That birth sounds like Teen’s.
They actually told me she was the maddest baby they’d ever seen. Keep writing for certain!
How many blogs do you have, woman?
Dos. I’m not going to be writing anything new on the homeschool one, as the boy is going to be attending public school pretty soon.
So no more tadpole (or whatever those things were) stories??? I was finding them utterly amusing
One of them died and the other one has grown so large I fear it will crawl out of its tank and kill me in my sleep. Oh and they are triops and they are freaky. There, now you are updated.
I’ve thought the same thing about computers. It can get frustrating learning all that new software.
That’s an awesome number of page hits for a blogger. Think about it. It’s just you, and yourself doing this. You’re not a staff. You’re not a big magazine name.
My best day was only half that.
The software thing is insane. When you finally learn to use something, everything changes and you have to start all over again. It’s some sort of cruel nerd revenge for my meanness in high-school.
As for the hits I can’t take all the credit. 30% of hits are Mike related, usually people who have just seen one of his old movies on some obscure tv channel. 20% are related to my family… The rest are searches for gay, gay sex, gay boy etc… etc…
I missed you while you were gone, but I can totally relate to new software. New software had a hand in my early retirement.
Dude. You’re going to have to get used to the fact that other people think you’re awesome.
Dude and awesome are words that have rarely been used to describe me
…or are they watching in that same way people drive more slowly by a crash site
See, this is what happens when you live outside the country. You miss out on all the anachronistic slang. I once had a student tell me that I was too intelligent to call people dude–I’m the only person I know who really talks this way.
Have you considered you might be a straight man who’s in the closet?
Considered it, yes. But I know what gets my motor running, and it’s rarely found beneath a skirt.
I loved the start to your book, you fought the Caesarean, the doctor, the forceps then screamed the house down in protest after being thwarted. It sounds like now you are fighting against success you contrary person!
Yes, 875 views is blogging success, give in and publish the book, it’s too late to fight it now! Anyway, after you made the nurses shudder in your first few hours of existence I would love to hear what you fight against next.
I’m going to give it a second look in the next few months. I try not to fight against success
. I think it’s more of a fight to ensure a certain type of self-preservation. Once a book is out you can’t go back and fix it. It defines you, your history, your story, your mindset. I think I’d only be brave enough to do that once that’s done properly. We shall see…
I’m with Metan Pinky. Triple digits is GOOD! Actually it’s much better than good but I’m not into hyperbole
Rewrite that book and get it out there. Tout suite young man!
Yeah I was wondering where you have been.. Thought you moved to France and forgot to tell us..
Happy weekend
I think I could redecorate my house with what you paid for your table.
Welcome back.
aaahhh… but you forgot something!!! I’m a dealer
I found it at the back of a junk shop (the kind that does house clearances after people die or move). For example, they’ll give you $500 or $1000 for everything in a house, but they’ll also clean it up for you. Anyway, I had to contain my sudden heavy breathing and desire to jump up and down while I looked for the signature/mark. Then I negotiated it down from $100 to $60. Then I spent an afternoon feeling guilty I hadn’t told the shop owner what it was worth or at least paid his asking price…
His naivety was your gain. Don’t feel guilty for knowing more than he did about his own business. That was an amazing deal!
The guilt doesn’t last too long… otherwise I wouldn’t be able to make a living
I go through between 200 and 300 pages of auction catalogues per day, on weekends I scout junk and antiques shops, all to find (maybe) one great item per month where we can make a good profit. If I didn’t love it, it would be very, very tedious work.
No shit! And this is what you do for a living? One good sale per month is enough to make a living? You don’t have to answer if that’s too personal. I’m freakin’ nosey…I know.
LOL. Yep, I’m like a proof-reader but for art and antiques. I spend my life looking for things my fellow experts have wrongly (or not at all) identified. I say one good sale a month, but that’s an oversimplification. A great sale is when I find, let’s say, an 18th century tapestry listed simply as “Flemish” for 3k, but then I know the city it came from and who made it and that it’s actually worth around five times what the seller is asking (if it’s a great day, I might even remember what book I saw it in or where it was mentioned). That doesn’t necessarily happen 12 times a year, in which case sometimes I have to compensate by dealing with a lower profit margin- or betting higher and moving up on the investment bracket. i.e. it’s hard to find things for sale under 2k that are worth 10k, but as you move up it gets easier. In the 10 to 15k bracket, you can often triple/quadruple your money if you know what you’re doing. That being said, it’s not entirely straight forward. You need to know which auction house is the best for the type of item you’re. Sometimes something that would sell for a fortune in Paris doesn’t sell at all in New York, and there are things that sell better at Christie’s than at Sotheby’s and vice-versa. It’s a bit like juggling while walking a tight rope
And if you ever make a terrible mistake you’re marked for life 
Wow…that’s actually very interesting! I watch Antiques Roadshow sometimes and think it would be fun to hunt for “hidden treasures”. Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me!
Oddly, I suspect that if we were to meet one day we’d realize that we’ve known each other for a long time. Perhaps there are people who see the world through the same pair of eyes.
The same pair of languorous eyes.
[...] as of late. Things popping up on my feed like, “I’m Still Here” or “Where Have I Been…” or “Where in the World Is…” or “Been a Minute” and this little [...]